It looks like the news has gone to the wolves as our fellow keyboard mashers over at Latino Reviewvia various other websiteshave some updates on "Twilight", "The Wolfman", and "The Howling". Two new posters for "The Wolfman", a poster for "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" & Kristen Stewart press conference for "New Moon", along with a "The Howling: Reborn" poster.
Now I realize that I don’t have the script in front of me nor do I know the intentions of its director Peter Berg. For all I know Battleship could turn out to be a great movie. Hell, I wound up loving Star Trek even after the original reports leaked that it would be rebooted via time-travel – a concept that sounded retarded as shit. Having said that…what the fuck?
Latino Review reports that the big villain(s) in the board-room adaptation won’t be some terrorist network or rogue Russians or something. Oh no, we can expect to see aliens. You didn’t misread that. A board-game about naval battle is being adapting to a multi-million dollar summer tentpole where they fight aliens.
Get’s you in the mood doesn’t it? Which is good for me because I can’t think of a franchise I care less about right now than this one. I was never that invested in Transformers as a child anyhow. I know the characters and the basic story pretty well and I know the animated movie backwards but I was always more of a G.I.Joe fan.
I still have arguments to this day with Mr Jamie Williams about why the first film, which he hated, was so successful and well liked. He maintains that it was all down to nostalgia while I say that it was because it was summer entertainment that actually delivered on its promise. While Spider-man 3 failed to give us a proper Venom story, Shrek 3 failed to provide a single laugh, Fantastic Four 2 failed to provide Galactus and Pirates 3 failed to provide entertainment of any form, Transformers actually gave the audience a two and a half hour film about giant robots fighting each other. It had some laughs, it had some great action, it had scope; it was just a fun movie. I enjoyed it for what it was but will gladly admit that I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down impatiently waiting for the next instalment.
The film that Jamie saw in Transformers 1 was the film I regrettably saw in Transformers 2 (which he didn’t even see). I’m not going to dredge up all my feelings on that movie in this article. You can check out my initial review of it here. Needless to say, I found the film so incoherent, so loud, so racist, so annoying, and so cheap that it robbed any interest I had in the franchise, as well as my money. But can I afford to be so stubborn? If I reach deep into my darkened soul and ponder, is there a possible Transformers 3 out there that could bring me back to the theatre to take yet another chance on the robots in disguise? Would you be surprised if I mentioned using a certain planet eating robot voiced by Orson Welles?
Yes, I think they should bring in Unicron. Yes, that distinguishes me from about 2% of Transformers fans who haven’t suggested he be in a third film. But I’m not just saying to throw him in for the sake of it, because it’s the only way the filmmakers can top themselves in terms of scope. Unicron would be the catalyst for a plot which is the only thing I can think of that would get me vaguely interested in the next film. We need to get the Transformers off the planet Earth and onto their home planet of Cybertron.
I know the whole heart of the concept is that they are robots in disguise. They are a race of aliens who find themselves stranded in our world and the white hats take it upon themselves to defend us from the black hats; an enemy we cannot possibly defeat by ourselves. The problem with this concept is that for two films straight now, I have witnessed the might of the US military easily kill twice as many Decepticons as the Autobots have, leaving them to do nothing but stand around as window dressing. Optimus Prime makes speeches to cynical government officials about the consequences of the Autobots leaving the planet in Transformers 2, only for everything he says to be undermined by the ‘Bayhem’ which follows. I do not want to see humans fight Decepticons anymore. Frankly, it completely undermines them as a threat and there is no way you can convince me that the human race can’t hold their own.
So our story begins when Optimus Prime receives a message from the stars, from some of his fellow Autobots who were thought lost because they never made it to Earth. In fact, they stayed on Cybertron and, through some dues ex machina (does it really matter?), have been able to rebuild their homeworld. Optimus is now faced with the dilemma of what happens to his race. Given that he has charged himself with defending the Earth from the Decepticons, can the Autobots afford to leave? Would the Decepticons follow the Autobots off planet anyway and would that be the best option? Haven’t the Autobots earned the right to return home?
Before any of these questions can be answered, Optimus is forced into a decision when the planet eater Unicron appears destroys the lifeless planets in Cybertron’s surrounding solar system, edging closer and closer to obliterating the robot homeworld once and for all. Not only do the Autobots have no choice but to race for Cybertron to face off against Unicron but Optimus realises that their numbers alone will not be enough to destroy their adversary. They must put aside however many decades of conflict and form an alliance with the Decepticons to win the day. Megatron readily agrees to side with Prime and the audience is given the impression that the leader of the Decepticons has been rather humbled by his recent defeat and the death of his master The Fallen; that he might, just might, genuinely want to make peace with the Autobots as it will be a small price to pay for survival and the chance to return home. Optimus, on the other hand, cannot bring himself to trust Megatron. He launches this alliance faced with the outcome that the Transformers will either lose their planet and their lives to a seemingly unbeatable adversary or save it from Unicron only to be almost certainly betrayed by the Decepticons and see it enslaved or destroyed all over again.
In the final face off, as Cybertron is minutes away from annihilation, both Optimus and Megatron team up to head inside Unicron and destroy him from the inside. The comparisons with the animated movie are obvious but this film would have the chance to show the ending that I know a lot of fans really wanted from that show. There really isn’t a problem with Optimus heroically sacrificing himself to save everyone else. That is entirely true to his character. It just would have been better if it hadn’t happened 25 minutes into the film, leaving us stuck with a bunch of entirely new toys, sorry, characters. In this story Megatron, who has been planning to take back Cybertron for himself the entire time, realises that unless he makes that ultimate sacrifice, there won’t a Cybertron. In a moment of final clarity, Prime’s mortal enemy throws himself into Unicron’s internal defences, essentially committing suicide, all in order to buy enough time for the greatest Autobot of all to make his way to the planet eater’s core. Megatron’s act is not entirely noble though as he knows full well that Prime is going to die too, which is comfort enough to him in his final moments. And die Prime does, destroying the core and tearing Unicron apart from the inside. At this, the long end of the Cybertronian civil war, the noble acts of its two opposing leaders saves Cybertron, emphasises the pointlessness their fight was all along and ushers in a new era of peace between all of them.
You see what I’m talking about here? It’s not deep and it’s not dealing with penetrating social commentary but it does at least provide interesting moral and ethical choices for the characters to face. Most importantly, by cutting the series free of Earth, it cuts it loose of everything which has dragged it down. No more college scenes with over-acting psycho tutors. No more pot brownies and jock tackling with Mrs Whitwicky. And no wedding scene with Shia and Megan. Now I understand that those two can’t just vanish into thin air from the beginning of a third film, integral as they were to the first two. By all means, have them in the first act set on Earth and then say goodbye to them when the Transformers leave for Cybertron.
I will say though, those ‘hood-nigga’ twin characters don’t even deserve that much. I know Bay isn’t going to deliver a third film that is anything close to what I would like to see but he cannot possibly ignore the negative feedback on those characters. I can’t imagine the man has big enough balls (and a small enough brain) to develop that idea any further. Could you imagine the twins meeting up with their cousins Blingatron, Hiz-Zee and Hood and the amazing spectacle of all five robots combining to form Maximus Crib to fight Unicron in the finale? No, neither can I so just don’t even have them in a frame of this film. Don’t even explain where they’ve gone. WE WILL NOT MISS THEM. I don’t usually speak for other people but in this one instance, I think I can.
But I certainly can’t speak for you in any other capacity so let me know what you think. Is it blasphemous to conceive redemption for Megatron? Can Unicron and Cybertron be realised in live action? Have I vastly underappreciated the comic styling’s of Mrs Whitwicky? Most importantly, what do you want to see in Transformers 3? As always, I can’t thank you enough for reading.
P.S. Despite the pattern I seem to be forming with these articles, I have no plans to write pieces on Jem, Voltron, MASK, Centurions, Inhuminoids, COPS, Robotix, Visionaries or My Little Pony.
Does anybody remember Bryan Singer? You know, the guy who directed "Usual Suspects", "X-Men", "X2", and "Superman Returns" among other films. He seems to have fallen off the map lately, although he managed to put Tom Cruise back on the map with 2008's "Valkyrie". There have been rumors that Singer was eyeing a return to the X-Men franchise but of course those were just rumors and not even news worthy despite some of the coverage. He's been mentioned as a possible director for "Freedom Formula", "Jack The Giant Killer", "Cape Shooters", and "Battlestar Galactica".
According to Examiner, the speculation can be put to rest, Singer's "Battlestar Galactica" will indeed be his next project and has moved into pre-production.
Now that pre-production has started, any rumors that Singer's next project was going to be "X" related (as in X-Men) has been put to rest, along with any shot he had of helming another Superman flick. There's been no word if Moore will be involved in the re-reboot, yet given the rumored "rocky" relationship between Larson and Moore, it seems unlikely.
I personally think this is a genre that Singer is very comfortable in and in some people's minds he is looking to redeem himself to the fanboy masses after "Superman Returns". This could be a good time to get a film like this one up and running with Abrams' "Star Trek" sparking interest in space epics again. Speaking of Trek, Singer's love for the Trek universe is sure rear its alien head which could either be a good thing or a bad thing. I'm sure you're going to get a classic sci-fi feel from Singer's "Battlestar" mixed with a lot of effect shots. You can expect a release sometime in 2012 although 2011 is still a possibility, albeit a big stretch.
For audiences everywhere, Isla Fisher will be forever known for Wedding Crashers. Her high-profile headlining Confessions of a Shopaholic tanked but she still has a couple of more shots before Hollywood throws in the towel on her. That’s bullshit, yes. But that’s how things work.
THR reports on a spec script recently purchased by Universal with the intention of making it a vehicle for the actress. Desperados would have her (and her friends) racing to Mexico after discovering her boyfriend is in a coma. This predicament comes about right after she sent him an email with not-so-nice things to say about him.
Of course the pitch to the studio was “It’s like ‘The Hangover’ but with women!” I can already imagine one big complaint will be people thinking her character is a bitch for sending such an email and then trying to cover it up.
Like I said in the first paragraph, yes that’s bullshit. But audiences are weird (read: stupid). Hell, this is not unlike what happened in 2000s Road Trip but with guys (Remember? That was back when Tom Green was “cool!” A different time indeed, kids!) Nobody complained back then. But I can guarantee that’s how people will react to this. Yes, said people are fucking morons.
I’m hoping this new Yogi Bear movie will take the same “realistic” approach that Christopher Nolan brought to the Batman films. Instead of doing a God-awful CG-fest for Yogi and Boo-Boo, the talented filmmakers should use real bears dressed up and have them interact with the actors. It works for these guys!
Variety reports that production starts up next month in New Zealand. I’m sure the Kiwis will balk at such work when they tell their friends what their next job is. Sure, it’s not The Lord of the Rings, but it’s a job, Goddamnit!
They also reveal that Dan Aykroyd will stop whoring Ghostbusters 3 for 10 minutes and provide the voice of Yogi. While Justin Timberlake (God help us….guess this is what happens after you lose Green Lantern to Reynolds, huh?) will be Boo-Boo. Anna Faris will play a documentary filmmaker who presumably has come to film Jellystone Park…and wackiness ensues (?)
Now I would have cast Alec Baldwin myself as Yogi personally. The man’s already the size of a bear and has a tendency to act like one. But since that didn’t happen, let the man play Ranger Smith. You know you want to see it.
Ladies and gentlemen, J.J. Abrams needs your help and support. His sophomore effort as a feature-film director Star Trek was one of the highest-grossing and most-popular movies of 2009 and he’s a producer for television shows you love like Lost, Fringe and Alias. This is someone who makes studios (in this case, Paramount) a lot of money. But the man has to eat.
That’s the only way to explain all of these projects he’s attached to in various capacities. I did a post a few weeks back detailing his then-current line-up. But I’ll show them to you again in case you missed it.
The Star Trek sequel he will produce and most likely direct based on recent comments he made.
Now comes two more projects for the poor soul. Pajiba says he’s working on a “mystery project” unrelated to the one-mentioned earlier. This one has a title – 500 Rads set up with screenwriter Jeff Pinkner. It will filmed in Europe with a tight budget (read: $25 million) and will be in the vein of Abrams’ own Cloverfield and 28 Days Later. J.J. does zombies, perhaps?
Meanwhile, the part-time Verizon spokesman reveals to the Wall-Street Journal he’s currently in discussions to produce a film-adaptation of the Micronauts toy-line. One can only assume it will kinda like Transformers minus the retardation and Megan-Fox camera-fucking and plenty of lens-flares.
I beg to you readers out there. Donate to the J.J. Abrams Foundation. It’s for a good cause. For every penny earned, Abrams will attach himself to another movie or TV show. Please, he has a wife and small children to support. Do the man a favor.
- Audiences can continue gracing the beard of Zach Galifianakis as my Movie Moan pal Ed Hocken put it. The Hangover star will provide the voice of Humpty Dumpty in Puss in Boots according to THR. Seems like the Shrek spin-off has been in development forever now. Not that I care about this. That series lost me at the third one. Go ahead and laugh, but everyone loved the dumb ogre when the first two films were released.
- 20th Century Fox is finally getting off their ass and marketing Avatar to the masses. A TV spot aired during the World Series last night. The good folks over at Latino Review have the commercial in question for your enjoyment. Talk about misleading people – you’d swear this was another Aliens by the way it’s painted here.
- Thank God. To think, I was afraid studios were wasting everyone’s time with the most mundane of ideas. Deadline Hollywood has it that Sony now has a film version of the board-game Risk in development.
- Pajiba has received word that Chris “Captain Kirk” Pine will headline The Blade Itself. In fact, the actor has been attached to the adaptation of the crime novel since before Star Trek opened last May. He’s said to be meeting with a potential director soon-ish. Keeping his work-load full of non-genre movies before doing the Trek sequel? Pine is indeed a smart man.
- David Goyer clarifies what to expect from this new Ghost Rider film to MTV. It won’t be a reboot as originally speculated, but a sequel set years after the original. Hence why Nicolas Cage is returning. We can also expect it to be more realistic – you know, like Casino Royale. Does that mean Johnny Blaze will have his balls beaten?
This US remake of French thriller "Anthony Zimmer" has been playing a game of muscial chairs with it's cast and director choices, but finally it seems the studio have hit on a pairing that will have them drooling at the mouth and seeing $ signs dancing across their eyes.
Johnny Depp is the latest to sign on for the male lead (once set for Tom Cruise and then Sam Worthington) and he will star oppostie the already cast Angelina Jolie (Who replaced Charlize Theron).
Directing duties have shifted a number of times as well but it seems they have finally settled on the rather awesome choice of Alfonso "Children of Men" Cuaron!
With the sexy, megastar box office drawing lead combo (who also happen to be fine actors) and a gifted director like Cuaron, this is suddenly shaping up to be one to keep tabs on.
Spyglass Entertainment's thriller remake "The Tourist" has run into another set of hiccoughs, with major players shifting around like luggage on a conveyor. Male lead Sam Worthington has fallen off, and Johnny Depp is in negotiations to replace him.
Additionally, after flirting with the project director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck has moved on, and Alfonso Cuaron is in early talks to step in. Bharat Nalluri was once attached to direct with Tom Cruise in the lead role.
Angelina Jolie -- herself a recent replacement for Charlize Theron, who was long attached to the project -- remains in the lead female role.
The revamp of the 2005 French spy thriller "Anthony Zimmer" involves a female Interpol agent who ropes an everyman American tourist visiting France into being bait in the hunt for a wanted criminal who's also her former lover.
Graham King's GK Films is financing and distributing through its new output deal with Sony.
The UTA-repped Depp has several films in the can -- "Alice in Wonderland," "The Rum Diary" -- but has been waiting to get his next project moving. The fourth "Pirates of the Caribbean" at Disney had been a strong possibility.
What is Drive Angry? I hear you ask! Well it's the crazy new Nic Cage movie I answer!
Yes, the Lord of Toupee's never met an action script he didn't like and this one sounds like another doozy, Cage has had an up and down career and "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans" seems like a return to form for the undoubtedly talented actor, however he is set to follow it up with this insane sounding gridnhouse influenced action movie from the guy who directed "My Bloody Valentine 3D."
Drive Angry stars Nicolas Cage as Milton, a hardened felon who has broken out for one last chance at redemption. Hell bent on stopping a vicious cult of fanatics who murdered his daughter, he has three days to stop them before they sacrifice his infant granddaughter beneath a full moon. Milton must use his anger to go beyond all human limits in order to save his last connection with humanity.
He's joined by Piper, a young sexy-smart waitress who liberates her ex-boyfriend's cherry red muscle car in order to help Milton. Now, the two of them are hot on the trail of the charismatic Jonah King and his murderous followers. King will throw every one of them faithful under the wheels of Milton's turbo-charged Black '71 Challenger, to fulfill hist destiny and unleash hell on earth.
But the bloodthirsty cult is the least of Milton's problems. The police are after him, too. And worse. An enigmatic killer known only as "The Accountant." The Accountant knows what Milton is trying to and and simply doesn't care. With wicked cunning and hypnotic savagery, the Accountant will relentlessly pursue Milton at high speed across the forgotten back roads of the American south.
Fueled by high octane and pure rage, Milton and Piper must battle the onslaught of King's disciples, avenge his murdered daughter, and save his granddaughter before his last chance at redemption is revoked.
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Sat, November 7, 2009 
