Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Teaser Looks As Stupid As It Sounds

Ladies and gentlemen, if I may, if any of you are flabbergasted by how bad Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter looks, from this teaser trailer courtesy of Time, what were you expecting? The title says it all.

Not a defense for the Timur Bekmambetov-directed, Tim Burton-produced adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's "biography" on the 16^th U.S. President's secret life. Reminds me of Sucker Punch, i.e. glossy, hyper-stylized crap coming from the mind of an adolescent fueled on whatever "looks cool."

Seeking a Friend at the End of the World Trailer is Great

Lose the starship battles in space, cool-looking aliens and robots. Science fiction in its simplest form is asking, "What if?" Take ordinary people in a world not unlike our own and put them in extraordinary situations. What if an asteroid was headed straight to Earth in three weeks and there was nothing we could do to stop it? What would you do?

That's the question posed in Seeking a Friend at the End of the World, the trailer you can watch below courtesy of Yahoo! Movies.

For Steve Carell (who truly is the Everyman among comedy stars, and not Adam Sandler though he likes to think he is) and Keira Knightley, it’s taking a road trip to see the girl who first broke your heart and family respectively.

We can guesstimate the world will probably not end and Carell and Knightley will probably fall for one another on their trip. But that doesn't matter if the final product is as captivating as this great trailer suggests. We could be in for the purest science fiction film since Children of Men, even though yes, this is wrapped in the "dramedy" sub-genre. I can't wait to see it this June.

George Lucas Wants Press, and You Just Gave It to Him

For a guy the Internet claims they can't stand, they can't stop talking about him. Look, George Lucas is a smart guy. He wouldn't have been able to turn his low-budget Flash Gordon-inspired, space opera adventure serial into the biggest film series if he wasn't. He knows exactly what he's doing when he makes provocative statements as he just did recently to Heat Vision, regarding the tired debate of Han Solo shooting first in Star Wars. You know it's topical when there are t-shirts about it.

Cut to many movie-news/commentary outlets (Many of whom I read and the webmasters I interact with on a regular basis and consider good, smart guys) getting up and arms and further bringing into discussion how out of his mind Lucas is.

Here's the thing though, fellas. Old George knew exactly what he was doing by saying that. He knew you'd all get livid and give him press...because that's exactly what he wanted. Not to mention, he's said this stuff about Greedo shooting first before. Many times over the years since he first made that change to the original Star Wars in 1997.

Like I said, Lucas is a smart guy. The Phantom Menace is back in theaters today, now in 3D, and all the attention/press it can get, the better in Lucas' mind. He's not wrong thinking that. But right now, it's all about riling up the hardcore fans that grew up adoring Star Wars, Empire and Jedi. Oh sure, they were angry Lucas tinkered with the trilogy for the Blu-Ray releases, for the umpteenth time. Yet most of those fans shouting the loudest I guarantee bought the damn Blu-Rays. He's just going to keep egging you guys on until the inevitable time comes when he gives the go-ahead on releasing the original trilogy in their unchanged forms with state of the art sound and picture transfers and talk up how "wrong he was to deprive fans of what they really wanted," or some nonsense to that effect. And he'll have played you all for suckers.

By complaining this loud, all you're doing is giving him more power, guys. Next time, Lucas makes another remark like this, just ignore it.

Legendary Pictures Pulls Plug on Paradise Lost

The writing was on the wall.

When word first broke of Legendary Pictures delaying the January start-date on Paradise Lost, Alex Proyas' retelling of John Milton's epic poem, for budgetary concerns, no amount of "Oh we'll start filming this June only with a tighter budget!" reassurances could make us think otherwise. Not to mention, when you see how Warner Brothers has been stalling or outright killing other tentpoles including Arthur & Lancelot and Akira.

This afternoon, Variety tweeted what we all saw coming. Paradise Lost is dead. "TOLDJA" elaborated on the matter saying the decision came down to the film's expensive motion-capture effects. All we're left is the image of Bradley Cooper as Lucifer above and him showing off pictures from his iPhone to Empire awhile back. Perhaps it was too risky commercially-speaking, but I hate when a film with this much potential bites the dust.

Henry Cavill Picks First Post-Superman Project

There were two ways to go for Henry Cavill.

He could take his Man of Steel money and sit out the remainder of 2012, doing nothing but reading scripts, doing press for The Cold Light of Day and preparing himself for the onslaught of media attention/press as the June 2013 release of Zack Snyder's Superman reboot approaches. If the outcome is favorable for the British Kryptonian, the offers will come pouring in; a risky proposition depending on how the movie is received. On the other hand, he could also take the first decent-looking job thrown at him after taking off the red-and-blue costume this month.

According to Variety, he's (wisely) taken the latter approach. Cavill is in talks to star in The Great Wall for Legendary Pictures and director Edward Zwick, hopefully this isn't another one of those "God bless white people" epics. The sole plot synopsis says it "looks at the mystery behind how China's Great Wall was constructed from a story conceived by Legendary Pictures chairman Thomas Tull and Max Brooks."

As much as being the new Superman will change his life, Cavill had better be ready to start thinking ahead career-wise. He needs to show the public he can play roles past a flying, red-cape wearing superhero while he can if he wants to avoid type-casting once the franchise (eventually) peters out. It would also help if their commercial projects too. Either way, he's off to a good start at making that happen.

Sullivan Stapleton Leading the Greeks in 300 Prequel

There have been several would-be successors to the throne in the years since, but there can be only one 300.

Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures are banking on that with their long-planned prequel 300: The Battle of Artemisia. After a game of casting musical chairs that included Joel Edgerton, Variety reports the studios have settled on Sullivan Stapleton (ironically Edgerton's Animal Kingdom co-star) for the follow-up, which according to the trades is no longer going by its Battle of Artemisia title nor will be a prequel or sequel per say adding the filmmakers are "still figuring out its positioning."

Stapleton will play Themistocles, the general who fought off the Persians with his Greek army in 480 BCE. Meanwhile, "TOLDJA" adds Rodrigo Santoro will return as Xerxes (Earlier indication suggested the filmmakers were going to recast). No word on if Eva Green will, in fact, join the cast as Artemisia as first reported by Heat Vision.

Noam Murro (Smart People) will direct.

Denzel Washington to Outact Another Thirtysomething White Guy

Mark Wahlberg may have been powerful enough to stop 9/11, but tough enough to bring down Denzel Washington in the acting deparment?! I think not!

Washington, who from some reason opting for co-starring with white-bread thirtysomething actors as of late, is in talks to join 2 Guns for Universal, courtesy of Coming Soon:

"'2 Guns' is a pulp story about cops and thieves and the men that are something in between. In the graphic novel, Trench has targeted a local bank to rob, and asked Steadman in on the job. Trench figures it's a great way to score – considering it's a cover for mob money. They'll be thieves ripping off thieves. But what Steadman doesn't know is that Trench is a DEA agent. And what Trench doesn't know is that Steadman's got his own secret and isn't who he appears to be."

Baltasar Kormakur (fresh off working with his royal Markiness in Contraband) will direct.

Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson ARE Interns

Wow it has been seven years since Wedding Crashers, hasn't it?

Wouldn't have believed it myself if it wasn’t for doing quick math and looking in the mirror to see those extra rolls under my eyes and fat on my ass. I was getting ready for University that came out and turned into one of the smash hits of 2005, back during that magical summer where you had to talk your friends into seeing Batman Begins, we were all proclaiming how Revenge of the Sith was the best Star Wars since Empire (How silly were we!) and Tom Cruise was just starting to creep everyone out with his religion.

Per Vulture, 20^th Century wants Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson to reunite (Surprising to think there hasn't been a Wedding Crashers reunion yet!) in the comedy Interns for helmer Shawn Levy:

"Vaughn and Wilson will play forty-ish company guys who both get laid off in a downsizing. Convinced they’ve gone about managing their careers entirely wrong, they resolve to become interns at a Google-like dotcom and start anew. Suddenly, the two old chums are competing against wily, fresh-faced 22 year olds for advancement."

It's funny...and topical too! Not the biggest Levy fan in the world (I might have been of the few Internet movie-nerds who didn't like Real Steel) and Vaughn and Owen are two comedians whose shtick has gotten old over the course of those seven years and a slew of bad comedies. Right after Wedding Crashers, I'd be all for Interns. These days, I'm weary.

There's a Jetsons Movie Someone Is Writing...

Warner Brothers isn't giving up on that live-action Jetsons movie.

Somebody out there will be relieved to hear (from Variety) of the hiring of Van Robichaux and Evan Susser to tackle the film version. That's the writing pair responsible for Chewie, the spec script telling the making of Star Wars from the point-of-view of Peter "Chewbecca" Mayhew, which made this year's Black List for those interested.

Robert Rodriquez was supposed to direct for awhile. A good fit when you think about it. Creatively, he hasn't matured past the age of 14 (with hype-stylized fare like Sin City or homage-centric projects like Machete and Planet Terror) and Spy Kids is kind of the perfect template visually for how to something like the old Hanna Barbara cartoon would look. But that's in the past, and there were those weird rumblings of Kanye West being involved, because the producers thought what The Jetsons really needed was a big-mouth, arrogant media-whore?

Oh, but we'll get that movie eventually, even though the 2015 segment from Back to the Future Part II is arguably the best Jetsons movie ever made.

The Bourne Legacy Teaser REALLY Wants You To Forget About Matt Damon

"There was never just one" is the tagline for The Bourne Legacy.

It would be a great way to hook us in, if it weren't for the fact we already knew there were other assassins other than Jason Bourne having sat through the Bourne trilogy the past decade. Here's the teaser trailer for the fourth installment/spin-off/whatever they're going to label it (the one without Jason Bourne) has been released:

Alright, good start building up to our new mercenary ass-kicker Jeremy Renner, I'll hand them that, and nice way to integrate series regulars Joan Allen, Albert Finney and even a bit of Ed Norton, said to be the baddie this time around. Surprisingly, no Matt Damon footage splicing from the Doug Liman/Paul Greengrass Bournes though it's clear they really want to get the image of him beating some heavy down with a magazine.