Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Looks Like the Best Stupid Movie Ever Made

What would The Asylum version of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter look like? It couldn't be any worse than these pictures from the actual film we’re getting courtesy of Entertainment Weekly chief among them Honest Abe (played by Benjamin Walker), axe in hand and ready to fight the undead.

Click on the link above for the rest including Walker as Lincoln sans beard but with trademark hat and Rufus Sewell and Erin Wasson as two vampire baddies. I know I'm being pessimistic. But I can't get my head around the concept. Sounds too damn silly and them talking about the film's sense or humor is odd since Fox ordered reshoots to tone it down and amp up Lincoln as a badass after test audiences laughed. A perfectly reasonable thing for the studio to worry over, but the humor was intentional.

Machete Will Kill Again

Truthfully, I still haven't gotten around seeing Machete, the 2010 feature-length film Robert Rodriquez co-directed with Ethan Maniquis, originating from that fake trailer in front of Grindhouse.

I'm bored with Rodriquez as a filmmaker. He tried the whole "Let's make an intentionally bad movie with name actors who wouldn't normally do this kind of thing, bad splicing, desaturated colors and all" in Planet Terror. He did it so well that repeating it comes off like he’s out of ideas. And while Machete had its fans (What movie doesn't), was the world begging for Rodriquez to march on with that trilogy he's chatted up for years?

Well, it doesn't matter because he's doing it. "TOLDJA" says he's got the money lined up and a script prepared for Machete Kills. Danny Trejo will in all likelihood return for the second installment where the title character goes on a government mission to bring down a drug cartel and eccentric billionaire in Mexico.

Filming is expected to start this April, which means knowing how fast Rodriquez gets his movies churned out could hypothetically be ready for theaters later this year. And I probably won't get around to watching that either!

Katherine Heigl Must Track a Killer of Puppets

Katherine Heigl seems to be one of the few figures hated by the film-making, film-going and film-blogging community alike. Since I'm making an effort to clean up my act, to a degree, I won't specifically say the things people who've worked with her have told me. Surface to say, a term that rhymes with "bunt" has been brought up. Frequently.

It's not that she's bad in the acting department (That'd be no reason to hate on someone so viciously), but her "My shit don’t stink" demeanor and well-documented reputation for biting the hand that feeds her. That attitude may have been excused while her career was hot, but after a string of financial flops, her career is now facing repercussions for that.

Namely, her public plea to revisit Grey's Anatomy, the TV medical drama that launched her career and, you guessed it, smack-talked leading up to her exit, and this...interesting item. Heigl is said to be in "advanced negotiations" to headline The Happytime Murders, via "TOLDJA," where she would play the detective tracking a murder. Of a puppet. In a universe where humans and puppets co-exist.

How the mighty (and big-mouthed) hath fallen.

Riddick 3 Is Officially Real, People!

Goes to show you with enough determination and persistence (and spending years talking it up to the Internet), you too can finally make the sequel to the big-budget sequel whose appeal you overestimated off its horror-based first movie, all of whose appeal escapes me.

I'm, of course, referring to the new Riddick movie amply titled Riddick, now in production. But don't take my word on it, and you shouldn't since Vin Diesel and director David Twohy have been chatting this third installment into existence since 2004. There are pictures and this press release to prove it:

"Universal Pictures, One Race Films and Radar Pictures announced today that principal photography has begun on the action-driven, sci-fi thriller Riddick. The shoot will take place in Montreal.

The latest chapter of the groundbreaking saga that began with 2000's hit sci-fi film Pitch Black and 2004's The Chronicles of Riddick reunites writer/director David Twohy (A Perfect Getaway, The Fugitive) and star Vin Diesel (the Fast and Furious franchise, xXx). Diesel reprises his role as the antihero Riddick, a dangerous, escaped convict wanted by every bounty hunter in the known galaxy.

The infamous Riddick has been left for dead on a sun-scorched planet that appears to be lifeless. Soon, however, he finds himself fighting for survival against alien predators more lethal than any human he's encountered. The only way off is for Riddick to activate an emergency beacon and alert mercenaries who rapidly descend to the planet in search of their bounty.

The first ship to arrive carries a new breed of merc, more lethal and violent, while the second is captained by a man whose pursuit of Riddick is more personal. With time running out and a storm on the horizon that no one could survive, his hunters won't leave the planet without Riddick's head as their trophy.

Riddick also sees the return of Karl Urban (Star Trek, The Bourne Supremacy) as Vaako and introduces to the series Jordi Molla (Bad Boys II, Colombiana) as Santana, the arrogant captain of the mercenary ship; Matt Nable (Killer Elite) as Boss Johns, a man looking for answers; Katee Sackhoff (TV's Battlestar Galactica) as the Nordic mercenary Dahl; and Bokeem Woodbine (upcoming Total Recall) as bounty hunter Moss. Rounding out the cast are Dave Bautista (The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption), Conrad Pla (Immortals), Raoul Trujillo (Apocalypto), Nolan Funk (TV's Aliens in America) and two-time Grammy Award-nominated singer Keri Hilson.

The film is produced by Vin Diesel (upcoming Fast & Furious 6, Fast Five) and executive produced by Samantha Vincent (Fast Five, Fast & Furious) for One Race Films. Ted Field (The Last Samurai, Pitch Black) produces for Radar Pictures, while Mike Drake (Dream House, A Nightmare on Elm Street) also executive produces.

Twohy is joined on the film by a talented behind-the-scenes team, including director of photography David Eggby (Pitch Black, Mad Max), production designer Joseph Nemec III (A Perfect Getaway, The Hills Have Eyes, Terminator 2: Judgment Day) and editor Tracy Hall (Limitless, A Perfect Getaway, The Flock).

The Riddick franchise has also produced two popular video games: The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena and The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay. As well, Universal Studios Home Entertainment has released the anime DVD The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury.

Riddick, which is shooting in Montreal, Canada, is a One Race Films production. The film will be released by Universal Pictures in the U.S., and Lionsgate is handling international sales."

Bridget Jones 3 Is/Isn't In Trouble

Just goes to show you studios will cry foul, any time any info of any troubled projects get out, even the smaller-scale, non-popcorn summer crowd-pleasers that don't have hundreds of millions of dollars into the productions and tie-in deals with McDonalds and Coca-Cola.

THR leaked trouble was amiss on Bridget Jones' Baby, the third Bridget Jones movie with Renee Zellweger, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant that they figured they'd trick you into wanting to see eight years after the crappy The Edge of Reason. The Intel is the script isn't working to the point of a number of key players, with Grant, leading the charge, asking for a delay of their start-date (lensing was supposed to start in a couple of weeks):

"According to several insiders, Grant has been especially vocal in his displeasure with the script, credited to David Nicholls and author Helen Fielding. It's unclear whether he refused to shoot the film (his deal is signed, says a source) or whether he simply expressed his dissatisfaction. Regardless, producers have decided not to proceed until the issues can be resolved."

Cut to barrage of "NU-UH!" reports coming officially out of Working Title Films, here from Coming Soon:

"Reports that Hugh Grant has exited 'Bridget Jones's Baby' are untrue. We are still working on the script, hence the delay to the start of production, but the film is going ahead as planned."

Fellas, the trades never said Grant quit the movie and, outside of that, you just confirmed everything they scooped? It looks like Working Title may have just showed their hand. Or they could be telling the truth since studios never, ever lie about these kind of things. Ever.

The Evil Dead Remake Will Swallow Shiloh Fernandez's Soul

There's a new male lead set for The Evil Dead. His name isn't Ash nor is he being played by an actor distinguishable by his chin, machismo charm and being physically abused by Sam Raimi.

Variety says Shiloh Fernandez will fight off his friends-turned-Deadites in the horror remake. Still remains to be seen who will play the female lead Mia (originally lined up for Lily Collins, now vacant, said to be the main character of the piece) and while the trades don't go into the specifics of his character, like his name. We're all under the impression the Red Riding Hood actor is playing Mia's brother David.

If You Watched the First Hunger Games Trailer, Then You've Seen the Second One Already

Seeing the first Hunger Games theatrical trailer in front of several films this Holiday season made me rethink my negative first-reaction. While it relies solely on all build-up/no pay-off of the actual Hunger Games (i.e. kids killing one another), the more I saw it on the big screen, the more I was intrigued. Still not so sure that was a wise decision, marketing wise, but I've come around to admit I was wrong with how I initially felt with the footage.

With that said, I assumed the second theatrical trailer, dropped closer to its March 23 release, would sell the action this time to the many still unsure of its pre-ordained hugness status, something I myself am guilty of doing. Well, here is that trailer, courtesy of Yahoo! Movies, falling a little over a month until its theatrical release for your viewing pleasure:

Not to be cynical or lone voice of descent, but what we just watched was nothing more than a condensed version of the trailer we've had available to see for months. Lionsgate will probably unleash one more action-geared trailer at the start of next month if I had to guess. But why that risk this late into the game?

Russell Crowe Up for Darren Aronofsky's Noah

I get the distant impression if his career wasn't where it is now (Your hot-headedness and general "difficulty" to work with bleeding into bad PR and thus your box-office track-record is in the toilet), we wouldn’t be seeing Russell Crowe in The Man of Steels and, per our pal Jeff Sneider, possibly Robocops. I mean, wasn't this the same guy who, allegedly, shot down playing Wolverine circa 1999? Maybe I'm dead wrong and he loves commercial fluff full of explosions, special effects and one-liners for reasons past the exposure and fat paychecks, but looking at his resume doesn't suggest it.

He's said to be Darren Aronofsky's pick to play the title role in his Noah's Ark epic, the appropriately-titled Noah, reports "TOLDJA." This, on the other hand, I could see Crowe doing ten years ago back during his career salad-days of winning Oscars and running around with Meg Ryan. Not a done deal, but signs are pointing in that direction.

Given Crowe's baggage these days, you have to tip your hat to the investors willing to take the risk putting this squarely on his shoulders. Then again, he's always been a great actor. Maybe if he plays nice long enough, his bad image will blow over?

Does Switch Really Have to be a Jackie Brown Prequel?

Not trying to step on Variety's toes here. The guys running the ship since Fleming bailed are doing a great job running neck-in-neck against TOLDJA in the scoopage department. I'm just wondering if...well...the trades report indie actor John Hawles will star alongside Yasiin Bey (the artist formerly known as Mos Def) in Switch, an adaptation of the novel by Elmore Leonard, for screenwriter/director Dan Schechter.

Hawles and Bey are playing Louis Gara and Ordel Robbie. This is of significance since those characters later appeared in the Leonard novel Rum Punch. You may know better by its cinematic version Jackie Brown, as penned and helmed by Quentin Tarantino, with Louis and Ordel played, memorably I'd add, by Robert De Niro and Samuel L. Jackson.

They're saying this film, centering on Louis and Ordel's ill-fated kidnapping of a real estate developer's wife, will be a direct prequel to the Tarantino film, and if you've seen it, you know what becomes of the criminals. Don't see the point of "bridging" this to Jackie Brown when it isn't necessary.

Just wondering if this will ultimately be as linked to Jackie Brown as say Manhunter is connected to Silence of the Lambs.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation Super Bowl Spot Is More of the Same - In A Good Way

Doesn't matter what I, your never-so-humble correspondent or any other movie-news writer/commentator online, think of G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Most of us were pre-sold on it, and that trailer with visions of dead Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson taking over, mountain-climbing ninja duels and Cobra taking over the White House planting their flag and all, sealed the deal.

But it will be interesting to see how Joe Sixpack reacts to this Super Bowl spot highlighting more Johnson, more Bruce Willis (No cholesterol puns, thankfully) and the wonders of Jay-Z. And yeah look, there's Cobra Commander too!