Jessica Alba Officially a Focker

Yes, Jessica Alba is a terrible actress. I don’t see there being much debate on that. But you’d swear people hated on her from the start with the way they talk about her sometimes. That is what I’d call revisionist history at its finest.

Back when she was James Cameron’s golden girl for his ill-fated television series Dark Angel, people couldn’t get enough of her. Oh how loyal the average nerd is. Make a mental note, Sam Worthington. This could be in your future.

Only adding further fuel to that fire comes news (via Risky Biz Blog) she will a part of Little Fockers. Yes as in the third film in the popular series that started with 2000s Meet the Parents (which was actually damn funny) and 2004s Meet the Fockers (which…never mind). You people have blood on your hands. If you'd stop paying hard-earned money to watch Ben Stiller comedies, studios would stop making them.

With the Fantastic Four franchise hitting the “reboot” button, she’s now out of a gravy train and in need of work. So who can blame her for taking this role? And playing an "attractive pharmaceutical rep" should be about as believable as her playing Sue Storm. Then again, when did audiences expect realism from those films?

Halloween 3-D Put On Hold

I know some folks out are overjoyed by the prospects of seeing a hobo Michael Myers and his white-horse returning…in 3-D! But it appears all 15 of them are going to have to wait awhile.

Deadline Hollywood reports that the Weinstein Company has indefinitely stalled Halloween 3-D (still don’t know if it’s a sequel/continuation of Rob Zombie’s two films or yet another reboot). It was intended to begin production this November for a Summer 2010 release. That ain’t happening. The blame has been placed on the lack of time to pull it off as the reason. Would-be director Patrick Lussier is set to start up another film by January. And as you know, no company would ever churn out a film just to make a release-date regardless of its quality or lack thereof.

Of course, there have been those constant rumblings that TWC is strapped for cash after a long string of flops since its formation. This comes ironically enough as they experience the biggest hit for their company with Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds.

Will we get another Halloween film? Of course. Just as Finke’s source correctly states, “We make those pics for very little money and tight marketing dollars so anything north of $25M is a huge success for us." It’s merely a question of whether it’s made under the Weinsteins or another company.

But rest assured, Michael Myers will return…again…eventually.

Does Disney Have a Contingency Plan for Pirates?

By now, everyone knows that Johnny Depp wasn’t a happy pirate with the dismissal of Dick Cook from Disney – regardless of whether he walked on his own accord or was flat out shit-canned. For a guy like him (who was always a team-player with the studio and lead cheerleader for a fourth Pirates go-around), it says a lot that he was so open to the press about his now lack of enthusiasm for the project.

Cinema Blend reports (via a contact of theirs) that Depp will hang up his bandanna after the completion of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. And yes, it has all to do with the “Cook incident.” If anything, this makes him look even cooler in the public’s eyes than before (i.e. being loyal to the dude who backed you up from Day One). Although the general public doesn’t tend to pay attention to stuff like this to begin with.

Of course, it doesn’t stop there. That same source further adds that the studio is searching for a replacement for Captain Jack for possible fifth and sixth installments. Remember, On Stranger Tides was long said to be the start of a potential second trilogy. Dear Christ.

I’m already having visions of Son of the Pink Panther. Good luck with thinking lightening will strike twice, Disney.

Big Terminator Blow Out Sales! All Franchise Rights Must Go Now!

Just over a month back, rumors emerged that Arnold Schwarzenegger had been approached to buy up the Terminator rights from its current owners Halcyon. They’re the production company that you’ll remember had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

Now The Wrap confirms that indeed the franchise is up for grabs to the highest bidder. The problem is how much is it honestly worth at this juncture? Their financial advisors are under the impression that its net-worth exceeds the reported $30 million they forked over two years ago.

Now I realize I am no expert in any way, shape or form. But the reason Halcyon is even in this situation at the moment is due to Terminator: Salvation not being the blockbuster most (yours truly included) thought it’d be. As well as the mountain of debt they couldn’t pay off. So that logic does not compute.

Cut to fans screaming, “James Cameron and Gale Anne Hurd should buy it back!” Cameron’s too busy running 20^th Century Fox right now…err…making Avatar. Sorry. With the overall lack of advertising from the film (that may or may not make your eyeballs explode depending on its awesomeness), you’d swear he was. On the other hand, I could see Hurd getting a hold of it again, or at least making a bid. I’m sure she could make something worthwhile outta the franchise again.

But when everything is said and done, it’s still a moot point. Nobody cares about Terminator anymore.

News, Rumors & 100% Grade-A Internet Bullshit - September 28, 2009

- Jon Peters looks to be cashing another paycheck pretty soon. His long still-born remake of A Star Is Born is picking up steam according to THR. The producer has been trying to get his second crack at the film (which he made back in 1979 with Babs and Kris Kristofferson) for years now with the closest being with Will Smith at the start of the 00s. Wonder if he’ll have as much direct involvement as he will on the next Superman film (i.e. none)?

- 2010 will be the year of Danny Trejo. There’s Machete, of course (can’t believe that actually got made!) and The Expendables. But now he tells Punch Drunk Critics he’s been cast in Predators. Coincidentally, the good folks over at Latino Review have posted a video script review for the Robert Rodriquez produced sequel. What’s the verdict? It’s all kinds of bad-ass.

- Remember reading about a David Mamet written-and-directed version of The Diary of Anne Frank from a week or so back? The Wrap tells us all to forget about it. The Mouse has put it in turnaround (aka ain’t gonna happen) citing the material being “very intense, and dark and scary.”  Although it wasn’t a direct adaptation of the book like most of us initially believed, exactly what the fuck did they expect from this subject matter? Did the executives at Disney not study the Holocaust in school?

- Sure, Jennifer’s Body was a box-office bust. But don’t worry about its high-profile screenwriter Diablo Cody. She’ll be fine (…on the other hand, Megan Fox…not so much). As per Variety, she’s been pegged to write and produce a film-version of Sweet-Valley High. Yes, that's the book-series aimed at teenage girls that your sister used to read. Sounds like a good fit to me.

A Teaser Trailer on Elm Street

Just before the 2009 San Diego Comic-Con kicked off, MySpace got an exclusive “first-look” of Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street reboot (which we reported here). Now they’ve got another exclusive – this time in the form of the film’s theatrical teaser trailer. And to think I gave up on MySpace and moved over to Facebook and Twitter.

Consider me officially "50/50" on this one. It certainly carries over the atmospheric yet slick-n-glossy look from previous Plantiun Dunes horror relaunches like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, and Haley looks on-the-money as the new Krueger. Robert...who?

But it's a bit too "shot for shot" compared to the original Wes Craven film at times for my tastes. Coincidentally, we were just discussing the infamous "bath-tub" sequence on the Movie Moan podcast. Small world...or are we just perverts? You decide! And I still find it not so encouraging that it will hit cinemas the week before Iron Man 2 kicks off the 2010 summer film season. Almost feels like it's being bumped. Let's hope I'm wrong.

Movie Moan - The Jerry O'Connell Timeline

Yet another "Dead Zone" of film-news this week, folks. What little items there are to cover our heroes at Movie Moan (i.e. Phil, Ed, Lou and Jamie) discuss in their usual oh-so-colorful way.

Ed gives his $.02 on Stephen Soderbergh's The Informant! The gang moans at the thought of the great David Cronenberg remaking The Fly, die a little bit on the inside at the "Is it real or is it fake?" photo of Nicolas Cage from Superman Lives and ponders at the possibility of Brad Pitt playing Moriarty in a possible Sherlock Homes sequel.

For the duration of this edition, the guys look into their crystal ball and discuss the year in film for 2010 or to be more specific the time period between April to the end of August. With a few exceptions, there aren't too terribly many "bright spots" for that summer. In addition, everyone is asked to take "the James Woods Challenge," Jamie is shamed for paying money to see Shrek the 3rd (and at its Thursday 10:00 P.M. premiere screening no less), the "Jerry O'Connell Timeline" is dissected and Phil instructs Disney on how to release Toy Story 3 in the UK...or else!

Movie Moan - The Jerry O'Connell Timeline

Cronenberg's The Fly - Take 2

Hand to God truth, I was talking to my mother last week when she said that my ol man and her caught the original 1958 version of The Fly on television for the first time. Both were surprised to learn that the David Cronenberg/Jeff Goldblum take from 1986 (which they’re big fans of) was actually a remake of that. I know, I know. But to fair, they’re not “movie people.” That and they procreated thus resulting in me. So it’s all good.

It’s with that sense of irony that THR’s Risky Biz Blog announced plans by 20^th Century Fox and Cronenberg to revisit The Fly in what they’re describing as a “reboot” to his ’86 masterpiece. Yes, he’s “in talks” pen the new version and possibly direct. No, I don’t know why anyone at said studio thinks this is even a remotely good idea. The mortgage at the Cronenberg house was due, perhaps?

Also annoying as shit is the continual use of the term “reboot” applied to everything. Reboots are supposed to be about re-starting a franchise (film, television, literature, etc.) that was DOA and giving its dignity back. Unless their plans entail future exploits of the new Brundlefly (or whatever the Hell they call the protagonist), this latest Fly should be categorized as a remake.

Because Noone Demanded It - Ghost Rider Sequel Coming

I’ve harped on this before (probably too much, honestly) but it bears repeating. We’re going to see tons of Marvel films produced because the studios in question don’t want to lose the rights and have them reverted back to the House of Ideas’ new owner Disney. Now all of a sudden, 20^th Century is rebooting the Fantastic Four franchise (to be fair, this has been in the works since the start of ’09) and more X-Men spin-offs and Sony is already making plans for two Sam Raimi/Tobey Maguire-absent Spider-Man films in addition to the in-development fourth installment.

Now Variety has added another one to the list. That’s right; we’re getting a sequel to Ghost Rider. Does anyone care? *Crickets* Thought so. The trades reveal that discussions are underway between Sony and David Goyer to write the film with Nicolas Cage (fresh off looking like a jackass in the “Is it or isn’t it real?” Superman Lives test suit) “expected” to return.

This isn’t Goyer’s first run in with the flaming-skulled cyclist. He worked on an ill-fated version years back with Stephen Norrington (having just worked together on Blade to great success) to direct under Disney ironically enough (via the Miramax label). That fell apart and we eventually got the ’07 incarnation with Cage and Mark Steven Johnson.

I realize that his bread and butter is with comic-related properties (outside of stuff like the Flash Forward television series and what not), but this is beneath Goyer. Don’t you think after Batman III, he should call it a day with the genre? I mean honestly, how could anyone be expected to seriously “top” those films?

David Fincher's The Social Network Has Its Cast

I’ll admit that I haven’t been reporting on The Social Network like I should. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know why. The script (penned by Aaron “Ya Liberalism!” Sorkin) is said to be quiet strong that went as far as attract the talent of one David Fincher.

That’s right, the same guy who delivered Fight Club and Seven to the world. Where some twerp would have previously said, “Why would he do something like this?” just simply has to take a look at Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button to show that the director is making an effort to break out of the “mold” that audiences have placed him in. And he’s been quiet successful at doing that so far.

For those who don’t know (or simply need a reminder), the film is an adaptation of the book The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook, a Tale of Sex, Money, Genius and Betrayal detailing the formation (or “origin story” for you dorks out there) of Facebook. Last month, Carson Reeves of ScriptShadow  stated that Fincher had already assembled his main cast in the form of Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield and Justin Timberlake.

Cut to Variety reporting the exact same information now. ScriptShadow isn’t given props, of course. So why should I hyper-link to the official trades if they won’t do the same for the person who actually broke the Goddamn story? Especially considering that we’ll soon to have to pay to see these fuckers steal from sites like Latino Review, IESB, CHUD, etc. Fuck that.

Getting back to the topic of this article (Sorry, I do that a lot!), Network is turning into quiet the film to check out since the initial “Oh my God, they’re doing a ‘Facebook’ movie?!?” reactions. I just like the fact that Fincher is continuing to churn out work.