At the Mountains of Madness is No More

At the Mountains of Madness, long-time dream project of acclaimed Mexican filmmaker Guillermo del Toro, is dead.

This comes after a string of news over the past 24 hours that began with claims of an official June start-date on the H.P. Lovecraft adaptation and signing of Tom Cruise to star, as per I09, concluding with confirmation from both Collider and director del Toro himself to the Criterion Cast pronouncing it's death.

Here lies the aftermath of that decision. We're hearing loud cries of Universal being "chicken-shitted" for rejecting a project large in ambition, talent (along with del Toro and possibly Cruise, James Cameron was on-board to produce) and, in what ultimately proved to be its killing stroke, cost.

No need of reiterating what Drew McWeeny said other than how dead-on he is. That studio has taken financial and creative risks the last couple of years that didn't pan out on their bottom line, and now their new ownership under Comcast we can expect next-to-none of that. It's what I say about Paramount fast-tracking that G.I. Joe sequel. Yeah, you might not like "the Justin Bieber guy" directing. But under these extraordinary circumstances, there wouldn’t be another G.I. Joe to look forward to next August. Be grateful you're getting that.

Alas it's all "Fuck so-and-so for not doing exactly what I want them to!" reactions from the typically childish fan-community. Such mentality also shows the overall lack-of-thinking from fandom who takes everything at face value, refuse to dissect and process information to form one’s own opinion and never willing to be open-minded when "outside the box" filmmakers or actors are chosen for big properties because they don't fit their pre-conceived notions (i.e. "So-and-so looks the part so that makes them the perfect choice!") Thinking doesn’t hurt, children.

The general movie-going-public outnumbers hardcore fans, 100-to-1 if not more. It's what those people (whom I often refer to as "John & Jane Doe Movie-Goer") choose to spend their coin to see who studios typically pay attention to, as they should, and there's zero evidence to suggest said people would pay to see something like At the Mountains of Madness. After a string of costly-failures, Universal just plain can't afford to that another risk like that.

As for Mr. del Toro, we all feel bad for him, but he will move on. The man has talent, and as we've heard in the past practically had to fight off big offers with a stick over the years; Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe, a Wizard of Oz project at Legendary Pictures, Superman: The Man of Steel and The Hobbit which as we all know he actually said "Yes" and two years working on before understandably bowing when it appeared a real start-date wasn’t in sight.

It appears that his next project will indeed be Pacific Rim first broken by Latino Review, thus continuing his love for big-screen monsters. Good for him. Perhaps with a couple of commercial hits under his belt, he’ll gain the clout to commander the budget and creative freedom required for At Mountains of Madness.

That time just isn't now.

Chances of Another Full-Retard G.I. Joe Just Got Smaller

Knowing fanbitches, this will somehow be interpreted as being John Chu's fault.

There'd been whispers his hiring was partially due to his ability to work with a vastly scaled-back budget. Under Stephen Sommers' direction, the first Joe went way over-cost in addition to those rumblings of his dismissal (and eventual return) in post-production. Wouldn't have been that big a deal had the final product been a big global hit, but it wasn't – did OK all things considered. But thanks to Paramount losing their grip on The Avengers and necessity of having more than just Star Trek 2 to carry next summer, we're getting that G.I. Joe sequel.

In what confirms those rumblings of a castrated production, Rachel Nichols confessed on Twitter (and first noticed by /film) she won't return for the sequel along with 85% of the cast:

"GI JOE 2 News Flash: The only characters to return in the JON CHU directed sequel will be SNAKE EYES, STORM SHADOW and DUKE."

So my hopes of out-retarding Sommers' film have been thwarted. Guess that means they won't blow up the moon in Joe 2 then. Sigh.

Stupidity Reigns: Blade Runner Rights Purchased for Prequels/Sequels

Say you're a film production company and obviously want a "sure thing" to put cash in your pocket. Fair enough, but a "sure thing" is few and far between. Having big-name actors isn't what it used to be since very, very few are truly movie-stars – someone whose presence on-screen and slapped across one-sheets, trailers, TV spots, etc. will ensure asses in seats because of their participation.

So what's the closest you can get to a "sure thing," then? Something with brand-name value; you say the title and there's an immediate recognition from the audience. It can be anything; a comic-book, cartoon, a toy or in most cases, sequels, prequels and, as been the trend lately, reboots to past popular fare. Good or bad, they know what you're talking when you name drop it.

With that, why in God's name would anyone in their right mind think it makes good business sense to spend their time and money on a property that only has recognition from a niche audience (read: nerds like me) but originates from a film that's decades old and, at the time, was an expensive flop?

I'm, of course, referring to the announcement of Alcon Entertainment, the production company behind The Blind Side, Book of Eli and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants films has purchased the rights behind Blade Runner with the intention of developing prequels and/or sequels to Ridley Scott's influential 1982 science fiction classic.

Were they asleep when Tron: Legacy hit last Christmas? Strangely enough, that sequel also dated back to a niche-friendly cult film from '82 that failed and didn't deliver the numbers Disney was expecting. Why the Mouse thought that made financial sense is also beyond me, and now that franchise is sitting around with blind-hopes from its fans for a third installment that will most-likely never come.

Creatively, yes something interesting could come out of a Blade Runner follow-up. I'm talking strictly from a business perspective. If that was my money being spent to buy up the rights to something like Blade Runner and then all the dough that will required to properly bring that world back to the silver screen, I'd be pissed. History has proven countless times now, that blowing lots of money behind a property that appeals 100% to the niche will not have good results in the end financially speaking.

Todd Phillips Wearing Bad Idea Jeans: Wants Charlie Sheen in The Hangover Part II

This sounds as cringe-inducing as there being a scene in The Blues Brothers where the Bluesmobile crash-lands on top of Vic Morrow. Not only tasteless, but such an idea will date the Hell outta the material in a matter of months.

Badass Digest says Todd Phillips is looking to secure Charlie Sheen for another-round of cameo work. He appeared at the end of Phillips' Due Date along with his Two and a Half Men co-stars Jon Cryer and the kid Angus Jones. This time, his "services" would be called forth for The Hangover Part II.

Even despite production already wrapping, it wouldn't take too long to shoot Sheen snorting or fucking the nearest hole within distance in an ill-conceived attempt to make audiences' laugh. But what can I say? If Phillips goes through with this, it's on him.

Between now and Hangover Part II's May release, no telling the outcome of Sheen-Gate. Assuming he isn't dead, I think his sitcom will be toast and the network will be forced to pay Sheen for those four canceled episodes, and then nobody will hire him for anything. And then he'll die.

The Latest Bourne Legacy Contender: Chris Evans

He's always had the charm and acting talent, but the stench from those Fantastic Four films didn't do him any favors once that franchise got sidelined. But thanks to Captain America, Chris Evans is going through career rejuvenation.

Where he winds up after his turn(s) as the Sentinel of Liberty I'd say depends on what he chooses between his downtime carrying that star-spangled shield. While he has time and the opportunity, aim for projects that are both commercial and show John & Jane Doe Moviegoer, he can effectively play beyond his signature role.

Boy could this help do the trick.

Sources tell Think McFly Think Evans is being considered by Universal for The Bourne Legacy. Word is they're seeing big fat dollar signs with Captain America (that Superbowl TV spot went over like gangbusters and we should be getting the trailer soon) and writer/director Tony Gilroy likes what he's seen from Evans' past performances.

Replacing Matt Damon is proving to be a bitch, and having a hot actor coming off a hit movie would help ease audiences into this new Bourne-absent installment. That's why those rumblings of Shia LaBeouf's candidacy, even Tobey Maguire, make perfect sense and Evans' schedule will be clear after The Avengers wraps and well before any Captain America sequel.

Robocop Has Its Director: Jose Padilha

"TOLDJA" reports MGM has tapped on the shoulder of Brazilian director Jose Padilha for the Robocop remake.

A sci-fi/action project drawing disdain reaction from many during its development, resulting in a studio making the bold call to hand the reigns over to a commercially-unproven, but acclaimed non-American filmmaker. Sound like déjà vu? That's exactly what happened twenty-five years ago with Paul Verhoeven and the original Robocop and look at the results from that experiment.

As much as I don't care for the idea of a Robocop revamp on face-value, we're talking about a property that said everything it had to with one movie.

Similar to Ghostbusters a few years prior, an oddball project, that when pitched to people got confused if not unintentionally amused looks, became a big corporate asset after its surprisingly monster success. Then it became about the Saturday morning cartoons, toys, comics and, obviously, sequels – sequels that failed to capture the lightning in a bottle magic from its predecessor.

So many bad results followed from the '87 classic that truthfully I can't see the harm in revisiting it. As for Mr. Padilha, I'm forced to plead the fifth having not seen his films. Although his two Elite Squad films were huge, huge hits in his native Brazil also drawing high critical regards.

No, it's not Darren Aronosky (like it or not, he's made his bed siding with The Wolverine), but there's nothing to suggest Padilha isn't the "voice" necessary for a film like this to work.

The Joe Who Wouldn't Grow Up

A couple of good laughs were had last night upon first reflection reading this.

Peter Pan Begins – not a parody but a legitimate project sent out to studios, reports Heat Vision. Where the chuckles cease and we settle down to look at the proposal there is name-talent linked to the project. Producer Joe Roth (who's last Alice in Wonderland earned $1 billion a year ago), screenwriter Billy Ray (skillful writer/director of Shattered Glass and Breach) and G.I. Joe star Channing Tatum are attached.

Judging by the title, a work in progress no doubt, audiences will finally learn the truth behind the legend of Pan. If they're serious about Tatum though, the producers and TDB director will hopefully insist on someone age-appropriate for "the Wendy segment." I like the guy, but him as the boy who wouldn't grow up gives off a creepy vibe.

New X-Men: First Class Posters

The website FilmZ got their hands first on two new international posters for X-Men: First Class. They're going for the whole "Destiny" theme, or as they put it in the teaser "Before he was Professor X, he was Charles" and "Before he was Magneto, he was Erik" with James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender.

Don't know if it's the best marketing hook for a franchise at this juncture, but it looks cool judging purely as a poster and nothing more. Although one has to think the McAvoy one-sheet is a tad on the depressing side. You're destined to lose your legs and your hair!

Dumber Harder: Farrelly Brothers Developing 'Dumb' Sequel

Doesn't speak to how much I've matured that re-watching Dumb & Dumber about a year ago, I still laughed. But what can I say? It's one of those films like Airplane! and The Naked Gun that appeals to the ten-year-old inside all of us.

It just so happens I was that age when it was released back during Christmas 1994 and indeed I frequently rented the VHS copy at our local Mom & Pop video stores. All the lines ("Gas man. How the Hell do they know I have gas?") and gags like Lloyd slipping a laxative in Harry’s tea ("For fast effective relief!") sent myself and buddies at school into hysterics.

In what's more likely than not a case of going back to the well after a string of misfires including this weekend's Hall Pass, the Farrelly Brothers are in the early stages of development for a Dumb & Dumber sequel, reports Movie Hole. As Bobby Farrelly, half of the writing/directing duo explained:

"[Dumb and Dumber] has run a bunch of times on TV in the states, and kids will come up and they'll be able to quote lines from that – lines that I’ve long forgotten. If we could get those two guys back together, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels that might be a worthwhile sequel – and that ball is in motion. We’re starting to think about what those two dimwits would be doing twenty-years later in life, and hopefully we’ll be able to come up with something worthy of a sequel."

Since Jim Carrey's career has been going South the past decade, it wouldn't surprise if he's easier to commit than back in the late 90s. Daniels always struck me more as a team-player. So apprehending him I couldn't imagine being an issue.

In honor of this development may I present CNN mistakenly (so they claim) showing the diarrhea scene:

G.I. Joe 2 Stricken with a Case of Bieber-Fever (by Association!)

When that short-list of G.I. Joe 2 directors was leaked by Latino Review, fanbitches got vitriolic against John Chu as one of the finalists. Suddenly it was "If they hire him, I won't watch it!" and "Oh no, please God, no!" How much do you wanna bet those reactions came from his association with Justin Bieber?

I loved G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. But it was retarded. As. Fuck. We're not talking about high art here, people. But a movie based on a cartoon that's purpose was to sell toys to kids. Don't start putting that movie or cartoon on a pedestal! Never had problem with Chu's candidacy. Guess it's a good thing some of us were rational...

Because "TOLDJA" reports Paramount just hired him.

Before you start stomping your feet, holding your breath and throwing a tantrum, remember if it wasn't for them losing The Avengers to the Mouse and their need of summer 2012 inventory, you most-likely wouldn't be getting a G.I. Joe sequel. So be grateful for Christ's sake.

If we're going to complain about who should have been hired, please shed a few tears for Rob Cohen.