Wednesday
Jul062011

Johnny Depp Shrugs Shoulders - Nears Deal for Pirates of the Caribbean 5 

Johnny Depp holds a special title as of this past weekend. He's the only actor to headline three $1 billion grossing films. The fact that all three (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Alice in Wonderland and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) are crap is irrelevant. Also interesting to note how Disney is handling the domestic under-performance of Pirates 4. By ignoring that factoid and focusing solely on its worldwide gross.

As where Depp appeared wary of slapping on the eye-liner and speaking his Jack Sparrow hybrid language of British, pirate-slang and gibberish for a fifth time during the On Stranger Tides press-rounds, The Wrap reports he's singing a different tune post Pirates 4 $1 billion cherry-busting.

Barring his approval of the script (like that was ever a concern with him and this franchise before), Depp is nearing a deal for Pirates of the Caribbean 5.

Anyone want to place bets the plot will involve everyone's favorite asexual pirate getting mixed up with Captain Ahab, Nemo, Dracula or landing on Conan Doyle's the Lost World?

Monday
Jul042011

Holiday Weekend Box Office: July 1 - 4

Courtesy of Box Office Mojo:

1.  Transformers: Dark of the Moon - $116.4 million

2.  Cars 2 - $32 million

3.  Bad Teacher - $17.6 million

4.  Larry Crowne - $15.7 million

5.  Super 8 - $9.5 million

6.  Monte Carlo - $8.7 million

7.  Green Lantern - $7.9 million

8.  Mr. Popper's Penguins - $6.8 million

9.  Bridesmaids - $4.4 million

10.  Midnight in Paris - $4.3 million

Well, that should have come as a surprise to no one:  Transformers: Dark of the Moon rocked the box office this Fourth of July weekend, earning an estimated $116.4 million over the four-day holiday weekend.  That breaks the $88 million record previously held by Spiderman 2, and is currently the biggest opening weekend of the year so far, although with Harry Potter arriving in two weeks, they should just enjoy that title while it lasts.

But  wait!  There's more!  Transformers also pulled the neat trick of opening last Tuesday night, so the movie has actually pulled in $175.6 million total so far.  Which sounds awesome...except that the previous film had earned $214.9 million at this same point two years ago.  So it's actually down, and by a lot.  But it's still making a crapload of money - and more than 60% of ticket sales were for 3D - so it doesn't appear anyone is in panic just yet.  And god help us, they'll probably be making another one of these movie soon enough.

In the theaters not featuring Autobots or Decepticons, things were slow.  Cars 2 hit the brakes this weekend, dropping down 60% to earn just $32 million.  Worldwide, the Mater-centric Pixar sequel has grossed $205.2 million, but the audience response seems to matching the poor critical reception it received.  It's doing all right, but this one looks like it's headed to be Pixar's first dud.  Oh well.  At least the Toy Story short at the before the movie was funny.

This weekend's new release for grownups, Larry Crowne, was mostly ignored this weekend, earning just $15.7 million.  Even Bad Teacher, which also had an unpleasant drop from last weekend, fared better with $17.6 million. 

A couple of milestones to report from the past week:  Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides passed the $1 billion mark at the worldwide box office, and Bridemaids pushed Knocked Up out of the way to become the highest-grossing R-rated comedy.  The Kristen Wiig comedy, which is the only May release still in the top ten, has grossed $153 million.

Next weekend sees the releases of Horrible Bosses (which actually looks kinda funny) and Zookeeper, which just looks inexcusably bad.  And it will probably make a fortune.

Sunday
Jul032011

Official Synopsis for Ridley Scott's 'Prometheus'

Visionary filmmaker Ridley Scott returns to the genre he helped define, creating an original science fiction epic set in the most dangerous corners of the universe. The film takes a team of scientists and explorers on a thrilling journey that will test their physical and mental limits and strand them on a distant world, where they will discover the answers to our most profound questions and to life's ultimate mystery.

Prometheus stars Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Sean Harris, Kate Dickie and Logan Marshall-Green.

The sci-fi film is directed and co-written by Scott along with Damon Lindelof and Jon Spaihts.

Prometheus opens June 8th, 2012.

Source: 20th Century Fox

Thursday
Jun302011

Thor 2 Hammers On For July 2013 Without Kenneth Branagh

Thor could have easily been one giant ass-clogging piece of cinematic cheese. But thanks to the skills of its director Kenneth Branagh and its great leading performances from Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston, it surprised many and became one of the better-liked releases this summer.

With summer 2011 in its half-time, Marvel's starting to think of a world after The Avengers opens and, reports Heat Vision, readying a sequel to Thor for July 26, 2013. Hemsworth will be back (No shit). Unfortunately, the same can't be said for Branagh.

As fans have witnessed successfully with Thor and not-so-much with Green Lantern this summer, these big effects-driven comic-properties are just as dependant on finding the right director to handle the material as they are with getting the right actor in the lead role. Even with the onscreen world of Asgard established, there's no guarantee the next guy rocking the bullhorn behind camera (and Marvel, let's not forget) won't fuck up Thor 2.

Since there's reportedly no story or writers committed yet, may I suggest the House of Ideas commission the writing/producing of Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat. These are the guys responsible for the brilliant BBC series Sherlock. Just as with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, they took the world he created for Victorian-era England, brought into our reality and made it work oh-so-well.

I'm fully aware that indeed studio executives aren't listening. But to their credit, Marvel's had a habit lately of thinking outside the box with choosing their directors, writers and actors. So...I can dream they'll listen, can't I?

Thursday
Jun302011

Christopher Nolan Back Into Producing Game - Hires Keith Gordon For Supernatural Thriller

Christopher Nolan never struck me as the kind of guy to branch himself off into producing side projects during his downtime from directing. We've seen it occur time and again with filmmakers once they've established themselves and sitting fat and happy with studios they call home. But one never got the impression that was Nolan's thing.

That's why to hear he was "Godfathering" The Man of Steel was a surprise. In that particular case, it felt like a move calculated more to solidify his relationship with Warner Brothers and help them out in a bind with the rights than it was specifically due to his love for the character.

But with the ball rolling on that one, maybe he likes the sample taste and is ready for seconds. Or perhaps it's merely a coincidental "I'll help the guys out" situation repeating itself. Either way, he's right back into producing for Warner Brothers according to "TOLDJA." He's just hired Keith Gordon to tackle the writing and directorial duties on an as-yet-revealed supernatural thriller.

Gordon's an interesting guy himself. Started off as a child actor appearing in late 70s/mid 80s fare ranging from Dressed to Kill (where he played an exaggerated teenage version of its writer/director Brian De Palma) to Rodney Dangerfield's son in Back to School before moving behind the camera full time. Nowadays he's directing episodic television and his last feature-length effort was 2003's The Singing Detective with a post-rehab, pre-Iron Man Robert Downey Jr. and Mel Gibson before he lost his mind in the eyes of the world.

This being something of a film with considerably less "make or break" status, hopefully Gordon will be left to his own devices instead of Nolan playing a big hand in the decision-making as he did on the Superman reboot.

Thursday
Jun302011

Tinker Tailor Solider Spy Trailer Promises High-Quality Thriller

Usually when you have a cast of this extraordinary talent (Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy and Ciarán Hinds to name a few – trust me, there's more), a highly-skilled director calling the shots (Tomas Alfredson coming off Let the Right One In) and the source material is a revered novel, there's a part of you that can't help but be cynical and think, "This sounds like something too good to be true!"

Based solely on this trailer (courtesy of The Guardian), that doesn't appear to be the case for Tinker Tailor Solider Spy.

Wednesday
Jun292011

What's a Horcrux, again? A Deathly Hallows Primer

It's finals time at Hogwarts (literally), and for anyone totally lost at what the difference between a Horcurx and a Hallow is, Yahoo Movies was kind enough to post this new behind-the-scenes video catching everyone up on just how many pieces of Voldemort's rotten soul still need to be found before he can finally be destroyed.  Oh, and it's got some nice new clips from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II as well:

It's almost here:  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II opens on July 15.

Wednesday
Jun292011

Prepare to be Awestruck by War Horse Teaser Trailer

A story about the bond between a horse and its owner during WWI on paper sounds silly, I'll admit. But War Horse has drawn nothing but praise since it premiered on stage back in 2007.

Judging by the teaser-trailer, the Steven Spielberg-directed, feature-length version appears to be in capable hands as well. For as much shit as he gets for being too manipulative with the audiences' emotions, there remain few others who do it better than the Beard.

I was already prepared to see War Horse based strictly on it being a Steven Speilberg film. But I didn't expect to be taken back by this teaser.

Tuesday
Jun282011

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol Teaser Trailer Arrives!

Wow! Mission: Impossible is one my favourite franchises and the trailer for the latest installment Ghost Protocol looks incredible. Some have moaned about the use of the Eminem song but I feel it fits well with the beats of the trailer, and saving the MI theme for a brief bar at the end plays well.

The film looks a touch darker than the others and seems to involve the team aspect strongly again, as it did in the 3rd movie. Only all members of the team are in peril here not just them helping Ethan out with his troubles, and it's blended with some amazing looking action. There is an impact and spectacular quality to the in camera stunt action Brad Bird and his team have captured, the scope of an international spy movie is very evident as well, colour me very excited.

 

Tuesday
Jun282011

Top 10 Best Hypothetical Action Hero Death Matches

In this week’s Top 10 I bring to you the top ten best hypothetical action hero death matches. Now we’re not talking current day physique specifically or exclusively, but more so prime versus prime, so when I say Sean Connery I mean Fucking James Bond Sean Connery. When I say Schwarzenegger I clearly don’t mean with his huge gut during his Mexican nanny fucking days, I’m referring to his Terminator 2 days.

If you feel you need to know who the manliest man of them all is, then read on. I warn you though, there’s so much testosterone in this article it may cause you to grow another dick or a new set of balls, so consider yourself warned!

Top 10 Best Hypothetical Action Hero Death Matches

 

10. Sean Connery VS Daniel Craig

From the early 60’s through 70’s  Sean Connery was THE James Bond everyone knew, even years later he remains the one bad motherfucker that most people easily regard as their Bond. In a close second to Connery is our current day Bond, Daniel Craig. Not since Connery has anyone been able to embody the suave smooth talking British agent with such a bad ass presence, until Craig came along. It only makes sense that the two greatest Bonds should face off.

The only real question being who would walk away the victor, my money would be on Connery without hesitation. Although Craig is ridiculously ripped as shit, Connery always carried himself in a way that you knew he wasn’t to be fucked with. The sheer level of confidence alone being given off by Connery would be no match for Craig.

9. Michael Jai White VS Wesley snipes

Two washed up martial arts juice heads always sounds like a fantastic fight no matter which way you swing it. Although Snipes saw more success early on in his career he’s since been sentenced to prison for tax evasion and seen almost all his recent films head straight to video. White’s been working more as of recently, but he’s never really reached a sought after star status either. Given that both of them have nothing better to be doing and Snipes would likely eat dog shit for money right now, why not pit them against one another.

The obvious winner hear for me seems like Snipes, but that’s only because he’s so damn broke and hungry now. White may have a bit of size on Snipes, but I don’t see him being as quick or desperate. In the end I think desperation along with a little bit of martial art skill and speed would award Snipes the win.

 8. Jean Claude Van Damme VS Steven Seagal

It almost seems all too obvious a choice to side with Van Damme right away, but just for shits and giggles we’ll weigh the opposing sides against one another. On the one hand Seagal has some serious height as well as weight on Van Damme, but being an overwheight slob wouldn't help when your opponent's jacked the fucked up. The other big dilemma for at least Seagal anyway, is the fact that his tough guy bravado's been brought into question so many damn times that I’m not sure you need to be special to kick his ass. Over the years Seagal made numerous claims of his real life heroics, which no one really questioned, I actually don’t think anybody gave a shit though to be honest. But in the early 2000’s when it came to light that Seagal was snitching on Italian Mobsters to the FBI because they had threatened him, his tough guy act was clearly over. Although he attempted to put a spin on what really happened the real storie's since been plastered everywhere, painting Seagal as the little bitch he really was all along.

Van Damme on the other hand isn’t all that much better to be honest. Although he was never caught ratting out gangsters to the feds, it’s always been apparent that he’s only built for the screen. He may know kung fu and karate, but I doubt anybody's too worried about him losing his shit. In the end all we really have is a couple high kicking testosterone filled morons. I think if Seagal got close enough he’d likely just bear hug him. Van Damme would resort to stupidly high pitched noises while jumping and kicking in slow motion. The winner's a tough call, especially when dealing with such losers.

 7. Bruce Willis VS Kurt Russell

Ultimately I think this comes down to their most recognizable on screen characters, John McClane and Snake Plissken. Both considerably bad motherfuckers, but on the one hand McClane bleeds too damn easily, regardless of him being Die Hard. Snake Plissken is a ruthless bad ass motherfucker, he wouldn’t let shit stand in his way. Sometimes the easiest choice is the best one, and in this case Kurt Russell is just too damn awesome for Bruce.

6. Russell Crowe VS Mel Gibson

If you work at a hotel and you can’t get Russell’s wife in Australia on the phone, then watch the fuck out, he’ll throw a phone at your head, no joke. Now if you’re Jewish, Homosexual, African American, any religion but catholic or any of the above and you’re not as drunk off your ass as Mel Gibson is when you encounter him, then watch the fuck out!

Russell Crowe and Mel Gibson are both known for their over the top temper tantrums and hissy fits, but in a real world fight mean words and throwing inanimate objects won't get you anywhere. The winner of this battle comes down to sheer craziness, and in that regard Crowe has a lot to learn from Mad Mel. When Gibson played the crazy maniac cop in Lethal Weapon how far off his real personality was the character?

5. Jason Statham VS Rob Pattinson 

I know just the thought of this alone sounds extremely ridiculous, but apparently it was very close to actually happening. Every teen girls favorite sparkly vampire was allegedly defending his woman’s honor when Statham attempted to make a move on her. Accord to their “sources” bouncers had to break the two up before a fight broke out.

Statham is one person in Hollywood I’m sure most people wouldn’t actually fuck with in any real life scenario. The guy is an all muscle bad ass motherfucker who knows some very clearly serious shit. Sorry Rob, but you wouldn’t have had a chance.

4. Michael Clarke Duncan VS Ving Rhames

 

These two guys are both huge as fuck and intimidating as shit, but which one of them could actually throw down for the win? The easy answer is obviously Duncan. But given a first glance at Rhames you wouldn’t for a second know that he’s not in fact the bad mother fucker he so often portrays. Rhames actually decided early on he want to be an actor and he pursued that career, it’s only his size and presence on screen that make him appear ruthless.

Duncan on the other hand is a real bad motherfucker. Although he may be a big teddy bear, he’s not a teddy bear to be fucked with. On more than one occasion the giant as fuck man himself has said he would fight any UFC fighter anytime they were willing to challenge him. He’s a serious dude, and not one that Rhames would stand a chance fucking with, hands down Duncan would destroy him and probably anyone else that got in his way.

3. Arnold Schwarzenegger VS Sylvester Stallone

Two of the biggest bad ass action heroes of the 80’s and 90’s are Arnold and Sly. I always thought it would be a close fight between the two, but then facts came into play like the fact that Stallone is short as fuck and kind of a prissy little bitch. Arnie always remained a juggernaut bad motherfucker, at least in my books anyway. I don’t count the recent days when he ran for governator of California or had an illegitimate love child with his Mexican nanny. That doesn’t really affect my opinion of the Terminator at all, he's still awesome.

Without a doubt hands down Arnold would make Sylvester look like a choir boy next to him, much like he did to Satan in End of Days. Sure Sly looks great while flying around in choreographed fight scenes flashing his fake HGH muscles for the screen, but Arnie’s brute force, ridiculous accent, and his ginormous frame win me over every time.

 

2. Jet li VS Bruce lee

Some of the absolute coolest martial arts stunts we’ve seen were due to these two maniacs. Jet Li made a name for himself floating through midair whipping asses and taking names. While Bruce Lee redefined the way Martial Arts is practiced all together.

Jet Li may look very cool and bad ass on screen, but I seriously doubt he’d ever engage in a real fight with someone, especially not for no reason at all. Bruce on the other hand, was a bit of an asshole. If someone approached him on the street and challenged him to a fight he would straight up beat their ass. He really had no qualms about putting people in their place. I think it goes without saying that if Jet Li were around and had the balls to challenge him, Lee would make him his bitch.

1. Chuck Norris’ Beard VS Tom Selick’s Moustache

Two of the most iconic pieces of men’s facial hair to grace the screen must square off and who will come out on top? Easy, Chuck Norris’ beard of course, they say he’s so tough that behind his beard there’s no chin, just another fist. Any man with another fist hiding behind their beard waiting to punch you in the face clearly wins a battle of the facial hair no problem.