Tuesday
Sep152009

Michael Bay Hates You

Audiences walked out of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen saying, "Why did I waste my time and money on such garbage?" Hell they seem to be getting sick of Megan Fox while they're at it. Good for them. Sure, I've felt this way dating back to the first film from 2007. But it's better late than never.

Nonetheless the sequel still made a fortune at the box-office. So now Paramount is moving forward on Transformers 3. I know you can hardly contain yourselves at the thought of more explosions, camera-fucking Fox and Uncle Tom robots. Now Michael Bay's official website gives a head's up:

  • He will be meeting later this week with Steven Spielberg, and Ehren Kruger to discuss ideas for Transformers 3. By the end of the week he should have an idea if Transformers 3 will hit your local cineplex in the summer of 2011 or 2012.
  • In the meantime "Pain & Gain" is looking very possible as is...
  • ...Bad Boys 3. Either film coming to a theater near you before or after Transformers 3.

Of course, Bay and the studio previously had it out over a release date after they went ahead and announced Transformers 3 for July 1st 2011. Bay himself claimed they'd already agreed to 2012 instead.

Considering that 2011 is turning out to be one stuffed summer, my guess would be they opt to go for the latter date which doesn't have too terribly many tentpoles set up yet. That would also give Bay enough time to get either Pain & Gain or Bad Boys off the ground by then. Then again, I'll avoid a third Transformers film like I did Revenge of the Fallen. So fuck it. Release it whenever the Hell you want, Bay.

Monday
Sep142009

Chris Evans Confirms Non-Participation in Fantastic Four Reboot

I’ve always gotten the impression that Chris Evans didn’t care for the Fantastic Four films. But no matter how bad they were, that franchise opened doors for him that weren’t there before. So he keeps his thoughts on the final product to himself because he realizes what they’ve done for him. And that is the reason why I like the guy and hate some ungrateful bitch like Megan Fox or Katherine Heigl. AKA the “biting the hand that feeds you” mentality.

But it feels like said series is also keeping him from breaking out as a bona fide movie-star. That or his agent sucks. Either one. Seriously, the guy has genuine charisma on screen and would be better suited to headline Paramount’s (eventual) Jack Ryan reboot instead of being stuck in crap like Push. Then again The Losers could be good and he is in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

And now with 20th Century Fox commencing on a reboot of the FF franchise, nerds across the Internet can’t help but wonder if Evans (without question the only good thing to come from said films in addition to Michael Chiklis’ Ben Grimm) could possibly retain the role of Johnny “Human Torch” Storm.

Cinematical had a brief chat with Evans on the matter who confirms that he's won't be "flaming on" (OK, I actually wasn't trying to make a tasteless joke there!) anytime soon:

"I don't think I'm going to be involved in it. I would imagine a reboot would be -- a reboot! I think they're going to start from scratch and that's the way those movies go.”

If any studio were to reboot a franchise but still keep some of their lead actors, it'd be Fox.

Monday
Sep142009

Indy 5 Has a Story According to Harrison Ford

I’m not going to spend this article (or 80-90% of it) talking about how Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a colossal disappointment for most people. Nor will I point that it’s monster box-office was mostly attributed to nostalgia and everyone’s desire to that character again - regardless of quality storytelling.

Now I could say that audiences might sit the next Indiana Jones film out were it to happen. But we all know I'd be dead-wrong on that one.

No, I’ll just nicely report that Harrison Ford is following George Lucas and Shia LaBeouf in the “Oh, a fifth movie might happen after all” quote department. He revealed recently to France’s Le Figaro (via People) that Indiana Jones & the Search for Some Supernatural Bullshit looks to be moving forward after they (Spielberg, Lucas and him) agreed to a story that Lucas is “actively at work” on. If he likes the script, then he’s “very happy to put the costume on again.”

With all due respect, what I think he meant to say was, “If I get paid as much as I did last time, then ‘Fuck yeah!’ I’m coming back.”

Also no word if Mrs. Henry Jones Jr. (Karen Allen) or Spielberg's Golden Boy (LaBeouf) are planning to return.

UPDATE: Speaking of Marion Ravenwood Jones, Brendon Connelly of /film has a fairly-recent video clip up of Karen Allen from the 2009 Dragon Con. Allen claims that a "friend" in Los Angeles told her that Indiana Jones 5 had been officially announced (...the fuck?) for a Summer 2012 release. See for yourself.

Monday
Sep142009

Cameras Roll On 'Sex And The City 2' 

First a popular television show on HBO that influenced its ravenous female viewership to down Martinis and high step around the city in Manolo Blahniks. Then a movie that pulled in 415 million world wide which just screams and moans for a sequel. Today, Warner Bros announced the sequel has commenced shooting in New York City via their New Line Cinema division.

“It’s a great privilege to be spending time again with this beloved cast and crew and to be filming in New York City,” says Parker. “We look forward to the next few months of this adventure.”


To me this is a no-brainer for Warner Bros, as their lineup just keeps getting meatier and meatier for the next several years. The question is where do you go from there? It is inevitable that one of the main characters will end up dying which will rally the women together. My bet is on the red head, Miranda. From what I hear, the ladies don't really dig her character anyway, so I guess it might not matter.

I can't see this sequel making more than its predecessor, but stranger things have happened. I mean, they're actually making a Tron 2. The movie should still perform well with a Memorial Day weekend release and a strong mainly flamboyant and female fan base. Strap on the high heels ladies, they're back.

Monday
Sep142009

Tyler Perry Back On Top

Weekend Actuals: Sept. 11th - Sept. 13th

1 Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself $23,446,785
2 9 $10,740,446
3 Inglourious Basterds $6,140,617
4 All About Steve $5,638,243
5 The Final Destination $5,522,377
6 Sorority Row $5,059,802
7 Whiteout $4,915,104
8 District 9 $3,538,769
9 Gamer $3,293,055 $16,261,653
10 Julie & Julia $3,156,316

Monday
Sep142009

The Comedian Wants Lobo

As per usual, one of the first sites I check in the morning is Super Hero Hype as they always have front page news that interests me.  Not to mention, if Hype posts a rumor, you can guarantee there's some truth to it.  As I checked in today, there was an article of note that piqued my interest more than any other lately.  It seems Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Watchmen's Comedian, and the star of the upcoming 'The Losers' wants yet another comic book role, Lobo

Here's what he had to say about the upcoming Guy Ritchie film set to start filming in the first quarter of next year:

 "[T]hey're making 'Lobo' right now," offered JDM, "That would be cool. 'Lobo' would be very cool. I don't think that I'm as big  as Lobo is, but if you could, like, transplant Mickey Rourke's body on my head, that would be just great."

"You're always looking for material that's kind of smart and fun and this seems to be where it is right now," says the actor in regards to his interest in so many comic book properties, "The studios are really gravitating towards it, more than I've ever seen them gravitate towards anything in a long time. Comic books are really the thing right now and I don't see that going away for at least the next couple of years."

Now, Morgan isn't an actor I'd have immediately thought of for the role, but once I read it this morning I literally LOVED the idea.  At first, I figured the part would go to a Dwayne Johnson, or a Vin Diesel type.  Now, while both Johnson and Diesel are charasmatic action stars, at least in my opinion, Jeffrey Dean Morgan could just bring so much more to the table.  In fact, I'd find it as perfect as Ron Perlman as Hellboy.

So, dear readers, what says you?  Should Jeffrey Dean Morgan be our Lobo?  Is three characters for one actor too many?  Should JDM get the part he'd be tied with three characters a piece with Ryan Reynolds who is soon to wear the emerld ring of the Green Lantern.

Not only does Jeffrey Dean Morgan want the part, he has a bit of an inside track, too and he knows it.  Both Joel Silver and Akiva Goldsman are the producers behind Lobo, and The Losers, too.

"I do have an in," he admits, "I'll be elbowing somebody soon."

Hey Mr. Ritchie, if you're reading this, get this one right, give JDM the part, and bring the baddest bastich in the universe to the big screen in style.

Sunday
Sep132009

Movie Moan - Some People Sort Of Ruin Their Lives To Be In There

The title of this week's edition of Movie Moan comes from Jillian, the young daughter of Steve Wiebe - the protagonist of The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. That wonderful documentary from 2007 is the subject of this week's "Moanin 'Bout a Movie."

But before dissecting into why grown 30 to 40 something year-old men would truly care about a video-game record, Phil, Ed and Jamie chat up the latest happenings in film-news. Timothy Dalton joins the cast of next summer's Toy Story 3, and Phil & Jamie's joy in seeing more people finally appreciating his tenure as James Bond. Warner Brothers is finally catching up with Marvel with the formation of DC Entertainment and what this means for Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash and the rest. Dare we say, the invisible jet will finally grace the silver screen, perhaps?

The guys also chat up the "off-again, on-again" (and in all probability"off yet again") status of Akira. But most important comes the realization that an A-Team film is actually happening as it appears that UFC's "Rampage" Jackson and Distrcit 9's Sharlto Copley fill out the group as B.A. Baracus and "Howling Mad" Murdock. Awesomeness, indeed.

Movie Moan - Some People Sort Of Ruin Their Lives To Be In There

Friday
Sep112009

News, Rumors & 100% Grade-A Internet Bullshit - Disney D23 Edition

Right now, the Mouse is whipping their junk out and showing everyone their plans with the next couple of years worth of tentpoles. The Disney D23 convention (as its called) has revealed quiet a shitload's worth of news. So here's what has been shown so far:

- Via Coming Soon, Pirates of the Caribbean 4 already has Jack Sparrow (aka Johnny Depp) returning, a script in the works from creators/screenwriters Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot and a new director in the form of Rob Marshall. Well, they now have a new subtitle (On Stranger Tides), a new logo (shown on the above link...Meh...) and a new release date (Summer 2011). Meanwhile, Pixar’s John Carter of Mars will hit cinemas the following year in Summer 2012. Expect “intense” special effects.

- He’s got so many other cool-sounding projects on his “To Do” list. What’s the harm in more for the great Guilleromo del Toro? As Variety reports, The Hobbit director has struck a deal with Disney to produce darker animated fare with his new “Double Dare You” label that will also churn out books, merchandising and all other kinds of crap the Mouse can think up. Project numero uno will be Trollhunters based on an original story of his. I myself will dare anyone to not be excited about this news!

- Pixar has proven time and time (…and time…) again that they’re 100% about casting the perfect actors for their animated films instead of just grabbing some “Flavor of the Week” asswipe (read: DreamWorks). Further proof comes with the Empire report that Timothy “My James Bond approach predates Craig by 20 years!” Dalton has joined the cast of Toy Story 3. The Flash Gordon actor (who jokes aside was an awesome 007!) will play Mr. Pricklepants, a hedgehog toy with “thespian tendencies.” Also from the same article comes confirmation to what many of us suspected in term’s of the “threequel’s” plot. Andy grows up and the toys are on their own. Expect “When She Loved Me” reactions next summer.

- Speaking of the World's Greatest Film Magazine, that Cars sequel that nobody cares about has an official plot synopsis that involves a countries-spanning race, a British secret agent (presumably not 007) and a "Hitchcokian" mistaken identity case concerning Larry the Cable Guy's Matter. Look, I think Cars was great and a solid entry in the Pixar library. But whose honestly clamoring for a sequel to it?

- Oh and that awesome sounding Muppet movie that Nick Stoller and Jason Segal (the director and star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall that they also wrote together) are working on? It has a title - The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made. As per Coming Soon.

Friday
Sep112009

Memo To The Executives: Bond 23

It’s time for a slight change of pace in my weekly opinion piece where I try and pitch the best direction for the film franchises that are currently thriving, and those on death’s door.  This time we are tackling a property which needs no do-over, is raking in the cash, and they’re taking their time to craft the next instalment rather than rushing it out; James Bond.

As excited as I am for Bond 23, the franchise cannot afford to be complacent.  As we hear rumblings of Bourne 4, Mission Impossible 4 and another outing for Jack Ryan, Bond has to stay ahead of the game.  There is no reason not to keep shaking up tired old conventions and giving us something we haven’t seen before, and believe me, if you’re a Bond fan one of the suggestions I am going to make in this article is pretty outside the box.

The best way to address where the next Bond film should go is to look at the previous outing ‘Quantum of Solace’, a film which (for me) got so much right and a fair few things wrong.  I want Bond 23 to be a film which provides pretty much the opposite of  everything we got in Quantum.

‘Quantum of Solace’ was a relentless 100 minute chase film as dark, cold and gritty as Bond was at that point.  It was a film with a concrete theme about the nature of trust but had little time for character development.  It had an interesting but underdeveloped female lead and villain.  It had huge scope and great locations but spent so little time in each place that it felt like a waste, and don’t get me started on the action sequences.

‘Casino Royale’ proved that quality not quantity is what counts with action sequences.  That’s what we  need to return to in Bond 23.  I also think that we’ve been missing the lush travelogue of the Connery and Moore films for a long time.  True that it is much harder to take an audience to places they have never seen before these days but I don’t think that’s an excuse to not take us to those places.  Hell, in today’s world more than ever, we want escapism.  We want to see Bond take on the forces of Quantum in the most stunning locales.

And Quantum have been established as the foe that defines Daniel Craig’s Bond and will define his run of films as this character so I see no reason to shirk away from that in the next film.  I just think we can do better with the lead villain this time around.  I enjoyed the slimy Dominic Greene but there just wasn’t enough character there.  Greene joined a long tradition of the Bond villains that I love, the legitimate businessmen, richer than God, powerfully connected, practically untouchable.  Yet once Bond knows that this man is the bad guy, he will not stop in the face of overwhelming odds to fuck this person’s life up at every turn, building up the antagonism between the two and coming to a head in the climax.

The problem with ‘Quantum of Solace’ is that by the time Bond and Greene went to head to head, there hadn’t been any antagonism built between them.  Their mano a mano fight meant nothing to us as Greene was just a target for Bond, a man he needed to get information from.  I think we should have another villain in the vein of Greene, just one who has more on screen time with Bond.  One of the things I loved about the last film was the portrayal of Quantum as a modern day SPECTRE as it probably would exist today; an organization whose members hold the highest positions of state across the world and actually play ball with the world powers in order to achieve their goals.  Given that potential, there are so many villains you could choose as Bond’s nemesis this time around.  You could use that guy who one of the UK Prime Minister’s top aides.  Heck, go for broke and have the villain by the President of a country.  It’ll have to be a smaller one so as not to piss anybody off though.  Try Switzerland, they never seem to get upset about anything.

Tonally, I think we need something lighter this time around.  I don’t people left the last film feeling tired of Daniel Craig’s Bond being pissed off at the world, an uncontrollable killing machine unable to relax or crack a full smile until his mission is accomplished, but they will get tired of it if he keeps playing on the exact same note he did in Quantum of Solace.  Since his mission to enact revenge on Quantum was completed (though there is still work to be done) and he clearly let go of Vesper’s memory and his need to avenge her, Bond can afford to be a little looser in the next film and not so tortured.  It’s the perfect opportunity for Craig as an actor to prove that he can.

I think we need a film in the style of ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’, a witty, truly romantic Bond film where the scope and the stakes are high, and where the crux of the film is the relationship between James and his leading lady rather than just a obligatory ingredient.  True enough that in the last film Bond and Camille quite rightly didn’t have a romantic relationship as they were kindred spirits still hurting to much from the loved ones they lost to love again, but now it’s time for James to find some comfort in another woman……..an ordinary woman.

One of the things I’m getting tired of seeing in the Bond films is the endless parade of female action heroes and super spies that have been Bond’s female companions for what seems like forever.  Camille was an undercover agent, Vesper was a double agent, Jinx was CIA, Christmas Jones as a nuclear physicist, Wai Ling was a Chinese super agent.  The last time we got a normal leading lady was Natalya in ‘Goldeneye’ and even she was a computer programmer for a top secret Russian installation.  Of course it all has to do with this incessant need to make Bond women ‘strong’, whatever that means.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but I really wonder how many woman who go to the Bond movies actually relate to any of these characters.

What I’d really like to see as the next Bond woman IS somebody that the audience can relate to.  An ordinary (though beautiful of course) girl with an ordinary job and an ordinary life who, due to being in the wrong place and the wrong time, gets swept up into 007’s world and actually ends up falling in love with him.  Now we can debate whether Bond himself should fall in love with her given what happened to him with Vesper, but I see no reason why he can’t open his heart to her a little bit.  Her love for Bond would serve a very specific purpose in the story.  It would be, like the two films before it, a film with a theme, with a point.  I am not saying that Bond should be light headed and romantic from the opening minute of the new film.  He should grow into it as the movie progresses, his cold heart softened by this ordinary and yet extraordinary woman that has come into his life.  My fellow Bond acolyte Jamie Williams has often discussed with me how ‘Casino Royale’ was a film about the loss of a man’s soul.  This film would be about putting it back together again.  Even though Bond put his past behind him in ‘Quantum of Solace’, I still feel we are one piece away from 007 becoming the fully formed hero we all remember from the Connery and Moore days.

Jamie and myself have had many a fun debate about whether Moneypenny or Q should be anywhere near a Daniel Craig Bond film.  I do agree that Q should be kept out of it.  The perfunctory scene at the start of a Bond film where he visits the Q workshop and is given in depth introductions to the various equipment which will be shoehorned into his latest adventure at some point, along with the trademark quips regarding the prototype gadgets we see in the background is a firm trademark of the Roger Moore era and does not belong in a film starring Craig, even one of a lighter tone.  Not to mention one of the best qualities about Craig’s Bond is his ability to think on his feet and improvise in dangerous situations.  If he has a utility belt with gadgets that can get him out of any situation then you lose any sense of jeopardy.

But Moneypenny is another story.  There is one particular element of the Bond movie mythos which has never been explained or explored that I want to see.  How did Bond meet Moneypenny?  How did their relationship begin?  Did they ever even have a proper relationship?  How did it become the flirty, yet distant one that we knew from the films?

Well here’s the bit that knocks you fellow Bond fans out.  I propose that Bond 23 tell that story.   I propose that the ‘ordinary woman’ who gets swept up into Bond’s latest adventure is none other than the girl who will become Moneypenny.  I often wondered what happened to Bond’s female conquests after each film (the ones who weren’t killed anyway).  None of them were ever mentioned again giving the impression that each one was disposable to him.  Imagine that at the end of the film, despite the feelings they have for each other, Bond and Moneypenny are resigned to the fact that a relationship is not going to be practical in his line of work.  They part and Bond laments that this stable force in his life will be gone only to return to Mi6 in London the following week and find that she is its brand new employee.  Bond triumphantly returns to the field, reassured that whatever challenges lie ahead, and however bad the job might get, Moneypenny will be there when he gets back, unswervingly loyal to him.  It’s a touching ending, totally different to anything we’ve seen in a Bond film and I think audiences could really respond to it.

Yes, maybe it’s a shake up too far but those are the risks you have to take with a film franchise which will be approaching it’s 50th anniversary by the time Bond 23 comes out.  You stay ahead of what the audience are expecting and you get them talking.  Now it is time to get you talking.  Please berate me in the comments section below.  I am dying to hear you tell me how stupid this idea is.

Oh, and please give the theme song to someone who can play a tune.  Just a give us a Bond song that's a friggin melody with lyrics, it’s not that hard.  Get Sting to sing it.

Friday
Sep112009

Superman Limbo V: I Won't Let You Down Again

Jeff Robinov's strategy to take over "Hollyweird" is progressing and the next step in his well orchestrated plan involves taking on some of the most well known super heroes. The President of Warner Bros Pictures, who just had his contract renewed by the "Brothers Warner", has been given the green light to turn the relationship between DC Comics and Warner Bros. upside down and inside out. The subdivision has been dubbed "DC Entertainment" and will now be directly reporting to Jeff Robinov in the person of Diane Nelson. It's all part of The Plan.

What does this all mean? One could say that Warner Bros/DC has now finally figured it all out. Did a neuron move in one of the executives brains which caused a chain reaction and now suddenly they get it? Or you could take the stance that this is just another chapter in a long novel by the title of "Indecision: The Warner Bros Way". Whatever your viewpoint might be, this could be a sign that we'll actually get to see some movement on heroes like Superman, Wonder Woman, and Flash.

This new agenda involves stripping away some of the product from producers that have been fondling these characters just a tad too long and bringing them back in for a quick rinse. How many times have Flash and Wonder Woman projects started and stopped? How many Superman scripts are piled up on Alan Horn's desk? This new venture, supposedly years in the works although it seems like a reaction to Marvel's wheeling and dealing, is designed to treat these characters "right".

Of course the fanboys and girls are taking these press releases and breaking news updates with a grain of salt. We've heard it all before, been there and done that or what not. We'll believe it when the cameras start rolling. When Wonder Woman is strapped in a harness with fans blowing wind in her hair or when an actor in a Superman suit is standing in front of a green screen, we'll be there. Until then, we wait. We wait for more than just empty promises and paragraphs of vague phrases and studio jargon. It's all to real, it's like "Groundhog Day" without the one sided smile and Gene Wilder like hair of one Bill Murray. It's not a place any of us want to be.

Jeff Robinov has been applauded for his work with the character of Batman and his influence on "The Dark Knight". One hopes he can work some of his mojo on Superman. He will need to put the money where his mouth is because this tall task has been put on his shoulders and Alan Horn will no longer present himself as the target for the lack of progress on The Man of Steel.  The target is squarely on Jeff Robinov's back as he now has to deal with the leftovers from "Superman Returns" and a never ending lawsuit.

Robinov is in line to take over for Alan Horn or Barry Meyer, and his view point on how to approach Superman somewhat differs from Horn's. "The Robinov Era" has now commenced and when we do see Superman on screen again it is going to be his baby. He'll mold Superman from script to screen with the help of DC writers, screenwriters hand selected by the studio, and a director carrying the label of "studio guy". This Superman will not be a vision of any one person, whether it be director or screenwriter. This will be a Superman molded by a corporation; one that still stands for Truth, Justice, and all that stuff but still knows how to kick some ass and in turn put some asses in the seats.

Superman Limbo: Where Has He Gone?

Superman Limbo II: Why The World Needs Superman

Superman Limbo III: I'm Still Superman

Superman Limbo IV: We're All Part Of The Same Team