Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Looks Like the Best Stupid Movie Ever Made

What would The Asylum version of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter look like? It couldn't be any worse than these pictures from the actual film we’re getting courtesy of Entertainment Weekly chief among them Honest Abe (played by Benjamin Walker), axe in hand and ready to fight the undead.

Click on the link above for the rest including Walker as Lincoln sans beard but with trademark hat and Rufus Sewell and Erin Wasson as two vampire baddies. I know I'm being pessimistic. But I can't get my head around the concept. Sounds too damn silly and them talking about the film's sense or humor is odd since Fox ordered reshoots to tone it down and amp up Lincoln as a badass after test audiences laughed. A perfectly reasonable thing for the studio to worry over, but the humor was intentional.

Machete Will Kill Again

Truthfully, I still haven't gotten around seeing Machete, the 2010 feature-length film Robert Rodriquez co-directed with Ethan Maniquis, originating from that fake trailer in front of Grindhouse.

I'm bored with Rodriquez as a filmmaker. He tried the whole "Let's make an intentionally bad movie with name actors who wouldn't normally do this kind of thing, bad splicing, desaturated colors and all" in Planet Terror. He did it so well that repeating it comes off like he’s out of ideas. And while Machete had its fans (What movie doesn't), was the world begging for Rodriquez to march on with that trilogy he's chatted up for years?

Well, it doesn't matter because he's doing it. "TOLDJA" says he's got the money lined up and a script prepared for Machete Kills. Danny Trejo will in all likelihood return for the second installment where the title character goes on a government mission to bring down a drug cartel and eccentric billionaire in Mexico.

Filming is expected to start this April, which means knowing how fast Rodriquez gets his movies churned out could hypothetically be ready for theaters later this year. And I probably won't get around to watching that either!

The Amazing Spider-Man Trailer Swings Onto The Net!

I've had my reservations about this one, it seemed to lack the glitz and hype of 'The Avengers', and carried none of the weight or anticipation of 'The Dark Knight Rises', however this trailer has just about washed all of my reservations away.

Garfield looks to make an excellent Peter Parker, the tone looks on point, Spidey vs the SWAT team looks like the first action sequence to fully show Spidey fighting as we see him in the comics and toons, and the cinematography is stunning. The scale of the whole film looks grand and yes, the Spidey quips are there as promised!

The only remaining issue for me may be The Lizard, he looks ok here but the shots are brief, I'll reserve judgment until I see more.

Now check it out for yourselves!

The Oscars Hate The Muppets: Best Song Performances Axed

First, Fox News came for The Muppets.  Now, the Oscars have decided to give them the finger as well.

Deadline is reporting that the two Best Song nominees: "Man or Muppet," and some song from Rio that no one really gives a crap about (actually, the song is called "Real In Rio"...but still, no one cares) will not be performed on the Oscar telecast.

The official reason:  because the people in charge of the Oscar telecast seem to despise joy.  Well, apparently it's due to time constraints.  Without the Best Song performances, the usually unbearably long telecast will likely be several minutes shorter.  See how much better this is?

This is stupid.  It's two songs.  How do you not find room in the show for two songs?  Especially when one is likely to feature the Muppets?  If you can find room for Billy Crystal's inevitable Best Picture medley, you can find room for two damn live performances.

Here are the two offending Best Song nominees.  If you haven't heard them yet, get a listen now, because unless sanity prevails, we won't be hearing them on the Oscars:

Oscar telecast producers Brian Grazer and Don Mischer are insisting plans for the show are not finalized yet, so there's a slight hope they'll change their mind about this.  But it's not sounding likely so far.

I think it's time for another social media uprising.  Let's get started on this, people!

Weekend Box Office: February 3-5

Courtesy of Box Office Mojo:

1.  Chronicle - $22 million

2.  The Woman in Black - $20.8 million

3.  The Grey - $9.3 million

4.  Big Miracle - $7.7 million

5.  Underworld Awakening - $5.5 million

6.  One for the Money - $5.2 million

7.  Red Tails - $4.7 million

8.  The Descendants - $4.5 million

9.  Man on a Ledge - $4.3 million

10.  Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close - $3.8 million

The weekend box office ended up as close as Sunday night's Giants/Patriots Superbowl faceoff, but the end result (unlike the end result for the Patriots) was good news all around for both Chronicle and The Woman in Black, which completely over-performed in their debuts for a surprisingly strong Superbowl weekend box office.

Chronicle took the top spot with $22 million.  Budgeted at a reported $12 million, with a cast of unknowns (unless you count lead Dane DeHaan's uncanny resemblance to Leonardo DiCaprio), the film scored another win for the found-footage genre.  You know, the one everyone keeps insisting that people are tired of.  But strong reviews, a wide appeal with younger audiences, and the fact that it's actually a pretty cool film made it a hit.

Daniel Radcliffe's first post-Harry Potter film, The Woman in Black, also opened strong with $20.8 million, the best debut yet for studio CBS Films.  The gothic horror film also enjoyed mostly decent reviews, a good turnout from the Hogwarts faithful, and like Chronicle, was quite an enjoyable film in its own right (although I'm sure it did no favors for the wind-up toy industry).

The weekend's other new release, the save-the-trapped-whales film Big Miracle, didn't quite score as well with the family crowd, earning just $7.8 million.  But these films usually have a strong shelf life with its demographic (see Dolphin Tale's $72 million), so it should hold on fairly well for the next weekends.

Last weekend's champ, The Grey, dropped 52% to earn $9.3 million.  The Liam Neeson vs. wolves survival story has earned $34 million domestically so far.  Underworld Awakening also stuck around in the top five with $5.5 million. 

Best Picture nominees The Descendants and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close found places in the top ten with $4.5 million and $3.8 million, respectively.  The Artist, which should be in the top ten because it's freaking awesome, was in 12th place with $2.6 million.

Next weekend, Lucasfilm is hoping that audiences party like it's 1999 when Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace returns to theaters in a special 3D re-release.  Families who don't want to go the Star Wars 3D route can also check out Journey 2: The Mysterious Island.  For those who want check out either of those, there's also Denzel Washington doing his badass thing in Safe House, and for the particularly desperate, the drippy-looking romance The Vow also opens in theaters next weekend.

Me? I'm seeing Star Wars.

John Carter Super Bowl Spot

The Avengers Superbowl Spot!

Battleship Super Bowl Spot

Katherine Heigl Must Track a Killer of Puppets

Katherine Heigl seems to be one of the few figures hated by the film-making, film-going and film-blogging community alike. Since I'm making an effort to clean up my act, to a degree, I won't specifically say the things people who've worked with her have told me. Surface to say, a term that rhymes with "bunt" has been brought up. Frequently.

It's not that she's bad in the acting department (That'd be no reason to hate on someone so viciously), but her "My shit don’t stink" demeanor and well-documented reputation for biting the hand that feeds her. That attitude may have been excused while her career was hot, but after a string of financial flops, her career is now facing repercussions for that.

Namely, her public plea to revisit Grey's Anatomy, the TV medical drama that launched her career and, you guessed it, smack-talked leading up to her exit, and this...interesting item. Heigl is said to be in "advanced negotiations" to headline The Happytime Murders, via "TOLDJA," where she would play the detective tracking a murder. Of a puppet. In a universe where humans and puppets co-exist.

How the mighty (and big-mouthed) hath fallen.

Riddick 3 Is Officially Real, People!

Goes to show you with enough determination and persistence (and spending years talking it up to the Internet), you too can finally make the sequel to the big-budget sequel whose appeal you overestimated off its horror-based first movie, all of whose appeal escapes me.

I'm, of course, referring to the new Riddick movie amply titled Riddick, now in production. But don't take my word on it, and you shouldn't since Vin Diesel and director David Twohy have been chatting this third installment into existence since 2004. There are pictures and this press release to prove it:

"Universal Pictures, One Race Films and Radar Pictures announced today that principal photography has begun on the action-driven, sci-fi thriller Riddick. The shoot will take place in Montreal.

The latest chapter of the groundbreaking saga that began with 2000's hit sci-fi film Pitch Black and 2004's The Chronicles of Riddick reunites writer/director David Twohy (A Perfect Getaway, The Fugitive) and star Vin Diesel (the Fast and Furious franchise, xXx). Diesel reprises his role as the antihero Riddick, a dangerous, escaped convict wanted by every bounty hunter in the known galaxy.

The infamous Riddick has been left for dead on a sun-scorched planet that appears to be lifeless. Soon, however, he finds himself fighting for survival against alien predators more lethal than any human he's encountered. The only way off is for Riddick to activate an emergency beacon and alert mercenaries who rapidly descend to the planet in search of their bounty.

The first ship to arrive carries a new breed of merc, more lethal and violent, while the second is captained by a man whose pursuit of Riddick is more personal. With time running out and a storm on the horizon that no one could survive, his hunters won't leave the planet without Riddick's head as their trophy.

Riddick also sees the return of Karl Urban (Star Trek, The Bourne Supremacy) as Vaako and introduces to the series Jordi Molla (Bad Boys II, Colombiana) as Santana, the arrogant captain of the mercenary ship; Matt Nable (Killer Elite) as Boss Johns, a man looking for answers; Katee Sackhoff (TV's Battlestar Galactica) as the Nordic mercenary Dahl; and Bokeem Woodbine (upcoming Total Recall) as bounty hunter Moss. Rounding out the cast are Dave Bautista (The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption), Conrad Pla (Immortals), Raoul Trujillo (Apocalypto), Nolan Funk (TV's Aliens in America) and two-time Grammy Award-nominated singer Keri Hilson.

The film is produced by Vin Diesel (upcoming Fast & Furious 6, Fast Five) and executive produced by Samantha Vincent (Fast Five, Fast & Furious) for One Race Films. Ted Field (The Last Samurai, Pitch Black) produces for Radar Pictures, while Mike Drake (Dream House, A Nightmare on Elm Street) also executive produces.

Twohy is joined on the film by a talented behind-the-scenes team, including director of photography David Eggby (Pitch Black, Mad Max), production designer Joseph Nemec III (A Perfect Getaway, The Hills Have Eyes, Terminator 2: Judgment Day) and editor Tracy Hall (Limitless, A Perfect Getaway, The Flock).

The Riddick franchise has also produced two popular video games: The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena and The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay. As well, Universal Studios Home Entertainment has released the anime DVD The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury.

Riddick, which is shooting in Montreal, Canada, is a One Race Films production. The film will be released by Universal Pictures in the U.S., and Lionsgate is handling international sales."