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    Movie Moan - Streets Of Rant

    This week's show has to go down on record as the most long winded we've ever done and there have been some doozies.  But this week has seen both the end of UK high street DVD stores for good and confirmation that nobody, not even Criterion, gives a shit about decent supplemental features anymore. 

    Let the diatribe begin (accompanied by the soothing sounds of the score to 'Heaven's Gate'):

    4:25 mins - Capt. Ed Hocken explains why you will never get to see the newest gem out of Sundance; 'Escape From Tomorrow'.

    8:10 mins - Mr Gabe Toro, film critic for The Playlist & Jump Cut Junkies drops by to review 'The Last Stand'.  It's not as good as 'Eraser' apparently.

    16:15 mins - Gabe also blows the lid on the greatest secret Hollywood doesn't want you to know about - 'Triplets'.

    19:15 mins - And Gabe rounds off his trilogy of awesome with his thoughts on 'Broken City', a film he would walk ten blocks to see (but no more than that).

    27:40 mins - Jamie, Phil and Hocken all finally sit down to try and watch the Criterion release of 'Heaven's Gate' with varying degrees of success.

    72:35 mins - With the seeming demise of HMV and Blockbuster in the UK, Phil asks why older people like his mother should be forced to adapt to an online only business model of renting films.

    Download the audio only MP3 version right here:

    Movie Moan - Streets Of Rant (audio version)


    Movie Moan - New Year Clusterfuck

    Hi everyone!  Please accept my sincere apologies for any unnecessary delay in the return of the Movie Moan podcast.  Rest assured, we are now full steam ahead bringing you a new show every week throughout 2013.

    But we've still got a mountain of 2012 Christmas releases that we need to say our piece on, and take a last chance to reflect on the year as a whole.  Plus, there's the unfinished business of a certain 80's cult movie we've been meaning to review.  So join Jamie, Hocken & Phil for an uncut 150 minutes of...

    2:45 mins - New Year hugs all around as the friends for eternity discuss loyalty, honesty and sticking together through thick and thin.

    10 mins - Capt. Hocken and Phil review 'Gangster Squad' and you are invited to take a shot of liquor every time we mention a moment you've seen in another film.

    28:30 mins - Jaaaaaaaaack Reacher, WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAH!

    37:20 mins - Jamie uses that pesky thing called logic to tell us why, boringly and predictably, 'Lincoln' will sweep the Oscars this year.

    47:50 mins - Hocken and Phil retort with why 'Zero Dark Thirty' should be winning.

    65 mins - We each pick our favorite film of 2012.

    90:15 mins - We each pick the worst film of 2012 (from people that luckily didn't see that many).

    99 mins - We each pick the most disappointing film of 2012 (Jamie didn't pick Avengers, Spider-man or Hobbit so feel free to listen).

    112:50 mins - We each pick the most surprising film of 2012 and are pretty much united in our opinion.

    126:26 mins - Hocken and Phil try to decode the entity that calls itself 'Miami Connection' (I'd call it a movie but that would imply it has structure and plot).

    Download the audio only MP3 version right here:

    Movie Moan - New Year Clusterfuck (audio version)


    Movie Moan - Violating Our Sacred Holes

    UPDATE: The video version has now been updated and comes to you in the best possible presentation.  Enjoy!

    Years from now, film lovers will ask how much of Guillermo del Toro influenced The Hobbit. Look no further than the title of this week's show; a line directly from An Unexpected Journey.

    The gang (Phil, Ed, Lou and Jamie) are joined again by Blue Tights Kingpin Justin Korthof of Six Okay and Gabe Toro, film critic for The Playlist and Jump Cut Junkies.

    We get into the first chapter in Peter Jackson's Middle Earth prequel trilogy. Talking points range from the difference between a Goblin king to an Orc king, how every character needs a Quentin Tarantino-style subtitle, why mountains fight each other, arguing the merits of singing and dancing. Oh yeah and if the movie is good or not.

    Ed gives his quote-worthy review of Lincoln calling it "better than Next of Kin" and how James Spader is a better Bilbo than Martin Freeman.

    The rest of the show is what you've all been waiting for. It's trailer time. There's the seriousness and lack of Snyderization of Superman in Man of Steel, the "Blockbuster Mad Libs" opening of Star Trek Into Darkness, who the Hell is going to pay for the mass destruction and if there is any monster-on-robot sex in Pacific Rim, how good Tom Cruise looks in Oblivion, how long into After Earth does Will Smith die and whether or not The Lone Ranger is the Heaven's Gate of summer tentpoles. All of that plus Roland Emmerich orgasming to G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

    We'll be back in January. Hope everyone has a great holiday and see you in 2013!

    Movie Moan - Violating Our Sacred Holes (audio version)


    Movie Moan - The Cream In Our Coffee

    Sincere apologies for being away for the last two weeks but we've been wading through a news drought, just waiting for that 'Star Trek' news.  Well we didn't get exactly what we thought we would but we'll take a trailer for a trailer over absolutely nothing.  And since it is Trek, we couldn't do this week's show without Mr. Lou Sytsma.  So join us for a very loose and free flowing (not to mention full of Christmas warmth) edition of Movie Moan:

    0:30 mins - We discuss Christmas weather, popcorn seasonings and stroke each other's egos.

    11:25 mins - The many questions offered up by one minute's worth of 'Star Trek Into Darkness'.

    33:30 mins - 'Skyfall' has become the highest grossing film in UK cinema history, was no.1 at the US box office again this week, and is well on track to make a billion dollars.

    50 mins - 'Tron 3'.......just for a minute, bear with us.

    53 mins - Simon Kinberg and Lawrence Kasdan are writing new Star Wars movies but is it just fan pandering?

    Download the audio only MP3 version right here:

    Movie Moan - The Cream In Our Coffee (audio version)


    Movie Moan - Let's Do The Mega Happy Ending

    Apparently the makers of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II assume its audience are too stupid and sensitive to handle a sad ending so, after much pivotal character death an head snappage, the film pulls the modern equivalent of having Wayne & Garth appear on screen and starting the ending all over again just so things can end well.  Now I wish I had been there to hold Jamie's hand as he sat through this crap.

    But alas, Jamie is on his own to review the film but joins myself and writer for,, and, Mr Spencer Perry to tackle all those news stories we missed from previous weeks thanks to James Bond:

    4:10 mins - Jamie reviews 'The Twilight Saga: As If We Could End The Film Like That, Sh'yeah!'

    21:25 mins - We still don't have the director confirmed for 'Star Wars: Episode VII' so we'd better pick one while we have the chance.

    37:45 mins - Bryan Singer is directing another 'X-Men' movie.  Did you hear?

    48:10 mins - Christmas will bring us more 'Star Trek Into Darkness' footage than we know what to do with but is it a mistake that will take away from the film itself?

    61:15 mins - We try and salvage some enjoyment from the trailer for 'World War Z'.

    71:35 mins - Fassbender is doing 'Assassin's Creed', Hardy is doing 'Splinter Cell', and both projects will be dead in a month so we talk about them while we have the chance.

    Download the audio only MP3 version right here:

    Movie Moan - Let's Do The Mega Happy Ending